"oh my god, i'm dying" - me

hi sluts. i'm totally feeling sorry for myself today because i'm sick. i haven't been sick in a really long time so i kind of love it. i have a really bad sore throat and a headache that is more painful than listening to heidi klum say "nina garcia". i dont know why, but it really bugs me when heidi pronounces that stupid bitches name. god i hate her. nina garcia can suck it. anyway, im sick and i hate it, but kind of love it. also being sick has been awesome because i have had the kind of appetite only pregnant bitches and drunk ho's ever have. you know, like where you would seriously eat your own shoe if it had hot sauce and cheese on it. Mmmm. i dont know why being sick does that to me but it always does. when i was little i would always want to eat hamburgers whenever i got sick. and i dont mean one hamburger as a meal. i mean i would want non stop hamburgers hand fed to me while i watched some young and the restless and Hollywood Squares. i loved being 8 years old.

so today after i downed a Chipotle marg, had an enitre bag of tortilla chips with guacamole and salsa, and had half of dez's quesadilla during my snack time (this was totally post-lunch)....we sauntered over to BobaLoca/Yogurtland and discovered the most magical place in all the world.

so i have no idea if that shit exists anywhere outside of Fullerton, but Yogurtland has totally changed my life forever. basically you walk in and you grab a 16 oz. container....you start at one end of the frozen yogurt wall of delicious goodness and you fill your giant cup with all the delicious delciousness you can handle. you can put as much or as little frozen yogurt in your cup as you want. and you can mix whatever flavors you want. and you do it yourself. it's awesome. i had the following:

giant swirl banana
giant swirl chocolate mint
giant swirl cheesecake
small swirl pistachio
small swirl espresso
small swirl vanilla
small swirl strawberry banana
giant swirl coconut

then you go to the toppings bar. they have cereal. delicious cereal. they also have oreos, cookie dough, granola, and other crap. they have syrups. they have fruit. they have kiwi, they have mango, they have banana, they have it all.

my toppings:
Oreos
Cookie Dough
Chocolate Syrup
Kiwi
Mango
Pineapple

when you're done making your non-fat mountain of sugar from heaven, you go to the register where they weigh your tub and then they calculate what you owe them. they charge 30cents an ounce. mine was totally like 20$. it was worth it though.

i wish i had pictures but i would probably start crying if i ever saw evidence of myself swimming in that pool of frozen yogurt anytime after today....i'm pretty sure eating that shit was more debachuerous and indulgent than any of the serious drinking sessions i've been having the last couple of weeks. i mean, yes...i did drink almost an entire bottle's worth of vodka on sunday, and yes, i was so wasted that i thought back to back cartwheels from 4100 to the Goodluck bar was both possible and a good idea, and yes, i did attempt to get into a giant truck that was being loaded with carnival rides and tried to drive away, and yes, i did scare about 100 street workers, and yes, i did order everything on the kids menu at the diner we went to sober up at, and yes i did eat it all....but none of that was nearly as embarassing as my frozen yogurt experience today. you should totally go, guys. i'm serious.

ps- i dont know what that picture is all about, but it felt fitting in more ways than one. that bitch is hot. i like it because she's working out while she eats. she's my hero.  ¶ 11:06 PM

  twice in one night so i realized i forgot to wish one of the many loves of my life a happy birfday yesterday which then made me realize i forgot to wish my blog self a happy birfday too (it was on August 10th). dang, i cant believe drinking has gotten in the way of me wishing myself...or a me-related something...a happy birfday. ew, that means i have to put myself on alcohol vacay. god i hate that.....

anyway....thanks to anyone who's been reading for the last year!!! you're hot for staying around. actually, i'm hot for staying around.... you know it's true.

loves you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

...and now my birthday card to one of the most beautiful bitches on earth....


dear mac,

happy birfday whore.

love, jasmin


seriously, he's gorgeous. god, im disturbed.

oh well....


happy birthday to us.  ¶ 2:13 AM

  a bored jasmin is not good for business (or how a friday night on the internet somehow turned sour) ...i'm sorry sluts but i would seriously rather look at pictures of myself than of the waste of time, money, and space we call "celebrities"....... i'm really really tired of those ho's. like really.....for reals, aren't you?

i'd like to thank you internet tabloids for over-saturating my life with pointless gossip, pictures, and your own useless personal remarks on and about the lives of people i pay good money to entertain my ass not on the internet. you have totally saved me many dollars and many minutes by making me so sick of their faces that i no longer want to watch tv, see a film, or even read your blogs/magazines for light fun....

...i can totally afford to go out and get drunk now!!!!!:










ok, im totally full of shit. you know i can't get enough of those celebrity bitches and whores! if it wasn't for them and for the tabloids that detail every moment of their lives for me, i'd have no one to make me feel bad about myself and make me work hard to accomplish something. who else would push me to spend all my time consistently throwing up my food, seeking out hot spots, buying big sunglasses, and hoping for the big break that will prove my worth to the world! dude, what would i do with my time....how boring would my life be if i didn't have that. i couldn't imagine....

oh yeah, did i mention i got to go the emmy's? yeah yeah, i know, Creative Arts Emmy's....get out of my face:



......yeah, i'm bored of me too.  ¶ 8:51 PM

  le bonfire the other nite some bitches and i had a bonfire. on the way we made drinks in melody's car. our organizer forgot to buy lighter fluid and bring matches so when we got to the beach we had to find some high school dudes willing to share. we did. they did all the work. then 2 of their slut friends got in one of our pictures and one of them flashed her bra. they were really nice. on another note, a few nights ago my wallet got stolen. i was way bummed. i went to the dmv though and that made me feel better.



  ¶ 11:52 PM