the sweet taste of valium, vicodin and plain donuts

(disclaimer: this shit probably has no place on my blog....but im really bored and too vicodined to write anything particularly interesting or significant....plus i have had nothing but donuts to eat all day. so you know, my brain is probably swimming in lard and batter.)

yes bitches....your favorite ho (me, duh) has been put on a strict diet of valium, vicodin, and plain donuts...well just for today....hm, and i hope tomorrow...and the day after that!

i know you dirty drug skanks probably live off this shit like on a daily basis, but a classy bitch like me prefers venti iced coffees, ice cold vodka, and stuff that i can throw up easily. just kidding. you hoes know this bitch would put a whole cow in her mouth if it had cheese on it and was dipped in corn batter then deep fried. mmm...i love the fat.

anyway, i had this stupid minor oral surgery today which i totally thought would be over in a second. i heard you usually just had novacaine injected into the area being operated on and that was it.....but the kind doctor i was referred to asked me if i'd like some valium with my novacaine and you know this ho was not about to say no to something so good. valium is seriously so Dynasty/Valley of the Dolls. I am certain Alexis Carrington would have totally been down for that shit and she's like one of my top ten idols of fiction! i heart old money matriarchs!!! that slut Neely O'Hara (from Valley of the Dolls) would have probably been down too but that bitch was a sloppy annoying mess. She's not in any of my top ten, but the book for sure is. that shit is scan'lous. totally recommend it if you haven't read it. it's like mega old.

ANYWAY......i hadn't had valium in like forever, um mostly cos that's like an old lady drug, so i was pretty stoked to be getting that shit injected into me pre-surgery. valium is totally the hottest shit ever. way underrated. vicodin sucks ass in comparison. when they put that shit into my arm i wanted to first: sock the nurse and second: die. it hurt like a bitch. you totally feel that shit like currdling your blood and turning it into diamonds or something. i totally wanted to cut my arm off and beat those bitches in the operating room with it. they totally did not tell me it would hurt like that. eventually i forgot about my arm because i was as high as pete doherty at any given minute. for reals. i love my doctor. he's rad because he doesnt give a fuck and because he talks all this shit on people and because he's a middle aged chinese-american dude that says "dude" and likes to surf. told you, he's dope. he also gave me more valium than i probably needed and i was high for like a long time. then he gave me a ton of vicodin. he almost gave me pumpkin pie but then remembered i couldnt eat shit. later my mom came to get me and she drove me cos i couldnt drive and then i made that ho buy me some donuts, plain ones. that was my whole day.

i still can't really eat shit. i hope i can move up to donuts with sprinkles tomorrow. the doctors sluts told me i can't really have anything too complicated to eat for a while because of the retarded stitches...just like easy to eat crap. naturally donuts was the first thing that came to mind. i've never really been mouth sick so i'm only realizing now that donuts is my food of choice in this kind of situation. like i have mentioned before, being sick with a cold totally makes me want to eat hamburgers like all day long, but i totally love that i crave donuts right now. in fact, donuts and i are the new paris and britney!!! feel free to bring me some, though i know you bitches won't. whores.  ¶ 12:14 AM