THIS IS TOTALLY JUST LIKE A FOOTBALLER'S WIVES PLOT LINE!!

ok, so this astronaut whore tried to kidnap and kill some other astronaut whore because they were involved in a hot astronaut love triangle!!! ew, this totally makes me even madder that my mom would not let me go to astronaut camp when i was 8 thus ending my career as a space ho. I would do anything to be this close to a footballer's wives episode. my mom is such a bitch.

ok so in case you don't want to read the whole article here are some highlights:

they aren't sure if the crazy astronaut bitch was in a real or IMAGINED relationship with the Astronaut dude! HOT!!!

the crazy astronaut bitch drove from Houston to Orlando wearing an adult diaper so she wouldn't have to stop to use the bathroom! HOT!!!

the crazy astronaut bitch waited at the airport for the other hot astronaut lady bitch who she thought was trying to steal her imaginary astronaut boyfriend! HOT!!!

the crazy astronaut bitch was armed with pepper spray, a bb gun, and was wearing a hot wig and trench coat! HOT!!!!

the crazy astronaut bitch followed the hot astronaut lady bitch to her car and tried to get in. the hot astronaut lady bitch wouldn't let her and the crazy astronaut bitch started crying! HOT!!!

the hot astronaut bitch rolled her window down out of concern and the crazy bitch tried to pepper spray her!!!!!! SO HOT!!!

the hot astronaut lady bitch was able to drive to a booth and call the po!!!

later the po found a bag the crazy astronaut bitch tried to throw away. it had her wig, bb gun, a steel mallet, and some rubber tubing inside it! dang, that's hot.

this bitch is awesome. i am pretty sure she got all of her ideas from The OC, Footballers Wives, some old episodes of Dynasty, and maybe a random spanish novela. i can't wait for this whole thing to be on lifetime!!!

here's the actual article....but i think i did a better job!:

Astronaut to Face Attempted Murder Charge
Police Reports Say Lisa Nowak Wore a Disguise and Drove 900 Miles for Attempted Kidnapping

Feb. 6, 2007 — The NASA astronaut who allegedly tried to kidnap a woman involved in a bizarre love triangle with another astronaut will also face an attempted first-degree murder charge, an official said Tuesday.

The additional charge was announced after Lisa Nowak appeared in court Tuesday morning to face attempted kidnapping, attempted vehicle burglary with battery, and destruction of evidence and battery charges.

Originally, a judge agreed to release Nowak, who flew aboard the Space Shuttle Discovery last July, after she posted a $15,500 bond and agreed to wear a tracking device and stay away from the alleged victim.

An Orange County jail spokesman, however, said that Orlando police were in the process of adding the more serious charge — that the 43-year-old astronaut tried to kill the woman involved in the incident.

During the morning proceedings, chief astronaut Steve Lindsey, who flew with Nowak, testified that Nowak would return to Houston.

"Our primary concern is her health and well-being, and that she get through this," Lindsey said after the hearing. "Her status [with the astronaut corps] has not changed."

Nowak was also joined by another astronaut, Chris Ferguson.

The astronaut's arrest has baffled many who know her and work with her at NASA's Johnson Space Center.

A Navy commander and the married mother of a teenage son and twin 5-year-old girls, Nowak has logged more than 1,500 flight hours in 30 different aircraft.

The accuser is a woman who Nowak believed was romantically involved with fellow astronaut Navy Cmdr. William Oefelein, according to police. Investigators are piecing together an assortment of evidence, including love letters and e-mails, that suggests a love triangle between the three.
The details in the affidavit portray a woman who was obsessed over a real or imagined relationship with Oefelein, who flew on the last shuttle mission in December.

Cross-Country Drive, Wearing Diapers
Police say that Nowak left Houston and drove 900 miles to the Orlando Airport, reportedly stopping only for gas and wearing adult diapers so she wouldn't have to stop to urinate.

At the airport, she waited for the return flight of Air Force Capt. Colleen Shipman, who she believed was her rival for Oefelein's affections.

Nowak wore a trench coat and a wig to disguise herself, and carried pepper spray and a BB gun. She trailed Shipman to her car and attempted to enter the car, but Shipman drove to a parking lot booth and called the police.

From the police affidavit: "Lisa Marie Nowak (Arrestee) drove from Houston, Texas to Orlando, Florida in order to meet Colleen Shipman (victim) at the Orlando International Airport. Once Shipman arrived at the airport, Nowak followed Shipman to the blue lot where Shipman had parked her car. As Shipman gets into her car, Lisa Marie Nowak approaches Shipman's car, slaps the window, and tries to open the door. When Shipman will not open the door, Nowak begins to cry. Shipman cracks the window of her car at which time Nowak sprays pepper spray into the vehicle. Shipman is able to drive away from Nowak and ask for the Police. Nowak and Shipman were both in a relationship with another Astronaut. Nowak felt that she needed to meet with Shipman and discuss the details of their relationship with the male Astronaut."

After Shipman called the police, officers saw Nowak stuff a garbage bag into a trash can at the airport.

Inside the bag, they found a wig, trench coat, a BB pistol, a new steel mallet, a new folding knife with a four-inch blade, three to four feet of rubber tubing, several plastic garbage bags, and about $600 in cash.

Was There a Relationship?
Nowak and Oefelein did not fly on the same space shuttle mission, but they trained together for 11 days in 2002 at a Canadian army cold-weather survival camp.

Friends and colleagues are baffled over the allegations. One astronaut told ABC News that the astronaut corps at the Johnson Space Center was "totally, totally stunned. Everyone is just stunned."

Nowak is scheduled to be a capcom — capsule communicator — on the next space shuttle mission, STS 117, which is targeted for a March 15 launch date.

Will she be suspended?

No one at the Johnson Space Center is saying anything beyond confirming that Nowak is currently on active status. No one remembers a scandal of this proportion in recent memory in the astronaut corps.


Material from the Associated Press was used in this report.  ¶ 2:13 PM