bullet points. stupid,crappy ones. in a perfect world, i wouldn't be lazy and i'd have the energy to write about all this crap extensively. however, a giant bowl of ice cream with m&m easter eggs (i know. gross right.) and about 30 mini chocolate chip cookies totally make even the idea of thinking about a perfect world feel like far too much work. i'm totally the laziest marshmallow in los angeles. yay.

actually this crap doesnt need any extensive-ness. it's all crap. but it's hot crap!

-two nights ago i was at a bar. it was boring, i left. a bum called me britney spears. actually he was convinced i was britney spears. this made me upset. i ate a tub of frozen yogurt. maybe i am britney spears.

-paula abdul is nuts and cries a lot. a lot. it's awesome because half the time she is obviously fake crying. does vicodin make you think fake crying is real crying? no, i doubt this. that ho is just insane. also, her whole staff hates her. it's so rad. she throws awesome tantrums. her show is just like My Super Sweet Sixteen.

-the flight of the conchords dudes are hot.

-i get to go the emmy's again. the marshmallow in me is not happy about this because i will have to look for a dress. i want to visit the lady with the crazy attic full of vintage in the fashion district that tells you when something looks crappy on you. i hope she fits me in a hot vintage moomoo and calls me a fatty. also, i called it the shmemmy's far before kathy griffin. i should sue that bitch. or make her give me a job. that would be hot. i hope she's at the shmemmy's so i can tell her what's up. she was there last year but was overshadowed by the hot dog whisperer whos' kind of douchey. (that's hot. dog whisperer. not hot dog whisperer. though, if he could whisper to hot dogs, i think i'd have to marry him) also hot was the bar made of ice and vodka. or something like that. i heart the shmemmy's. and open bar.

-panda express is gross. ive been eating a two item combo all day. i cant stop. maybe it will make me fake cry.

-last nite i saw heath ledger with a slutty hoochie attatched to him. the slutty hoochie was not his baby momma. i wish he showed up to the bar as the joker. instead, we got heath ledger in knee length denim shorts and a douchy straw hat. and a slut. and bad dancing.

-i want to go to the oc fair. i will eat Corndogs, BBQ Corn, Deep Fried something-doesn't matter what, Pickles, Beef Jerky, a Baked Potato thing, Stuff on sticks, and other crap that will probably make me puke. perfect.

-i have an iphone. it was my belated birfday gift. i love it. everyone refuses to accept it as my new child. i named it oprah last week. i named it lindsay lohan this week. it better not crap out on me. the accessories are shitty.

-i hope i run into Posh at Chili's. they really do have bomb nachos. or El Torito. 99 cent Tacos on Tuesdays! 4$ Margaritas!! way better than Rubios Taco Tuesdays. but not better than 1$ scoop tuesdays at Baskin Robbins.

-i'm going to start substitute teaching. the childrens better be hot and not bother me. i plan to keep them up to date on the goings on of lindsay lohan daily. they better like it.

-i love the lady at the 2minutes 02 seconds point through the 1 minute 25 seconds point of this video from "Victoria Beckham: Coming to America". she's wearing a powder blue suit. she thinks she's a memaid. she does a dolphin call. the video is shitty but it's the only one that exists of her. she's my hero!!! she' the hottest bitch in beverly hills!!!:

Labels: boredom, boring stuff but it's the most productive thing i've done in forever, bulletpoints, crap, lazy

  ¶ 9:55 PM

  shame on me twice!!!!

what is wrong with me?? how dare i not wish all three of you that still read this crap (one of which is uh, me.) a happy quatro de julio!!!!....

....hey, i totally have an uncle named Julio. I wonder if he would be mad if i started calling him July. Uncle July. that's hot. and trashy somehow. anyway.....i really hope all of you bitches did it traditionally classy and put on your cut off denims, sat in a kiddie pool, drank some bud light, and stuffed a bunch of hot dogs in your mouths to celebrate america!!!! thanks british people for not instilling in us any of your dignified ways. i couldn't be happier to not like tea or um...not not like eating hot dogs. or something. i don't know....

i really just like eating hot dogs. and being trashy. on america's fake birfday.


Fo'uth of July Mojitos anyone?



ps- check out my hot homemade giant fo'uth of july ice cream sandwiches!!!! these things will keep me a marshmallow fo' life! yay.


(peanut butter cookie on the top, m&m cookie on the bottom!! don't they make you want to be a lifetime marshmallow too!!)

pps- that julio iglesias picture was the only awesome thing that came up when i google-imaged "quatro de julio"......totally fitting.

Hope you bitches got wasted and fell asleep on your lawns. Haha farmer tans all around. white people are funny.  ¶ 11:39 PM

  shame on me!!!!

how horrible am i? how dare i not wish the woman after whom i am modeling my life a happy barfday!!!!! what is wrong with me? i think i have a serious problem. actually, it's because i am too busy emulating her life to have any time to put together a post for her on her actual barfday (the 2nd of july!)!! but that is no excuse....

L.L. you know i love you more than any words can explain. and really i don't need words when i have these pictures of you to show the world why you are so deserving of my love and respect...Happy 21st!!!!! may you survive another year thus bringing the world that much closer to your complete mental breakdown and that hot video of you robbing a liquor store!!! ( because we've all already seen your tits and coochie. )YAY!!








  ¶ 10:42 PM