an addendum (related to the previous post):

i have seriously disgraced them. this is a reminder, for myself, to never do it again.

i advise you all to learn from my mistake and never drink obscene amounts of rum/home-made mojitos and attempt to shoop people on the phone during sleeping hours..deep sleeping hours. it's truly one of the worst possible crimes.  ¶ 2:29 AM

  an apology to the victims of a recent shooping

i am writing to apologize to anyone who might have received a three a.m. serenade on the morning of saturday, december 23rd, 2006. i speak for myself, although the other party involved (marisa!!!) might feel likewise, when i say that i in no way meant to bring shame to the good name of "salt 'n peppa". if you were shooped and felt in any way violated, i am deeply sorry and i hope one day to make it up to you. and i hope we can still be friends. also, if you were shooped, i probably do not remember calling you, and like the six other people that have already made me aware of my actions, i urge you to come forward, for rehabilitation's sake.

yours apologetically,

jasmin

ps-i have recently decided to adore a certain rupert murdoch for his continued efforts to indulge my ego on a certain recent business acquirement of his. (if you don't know what i'm talking about, don't worry, neither do i, most of the time).

pss- speaking of rupert, i highly recommend the vanity fair article on Sir Sumner Redstone. he should be cannonized. and knighted. *yes, i added the "Sir".

  ¶ 2:11 AM

  merry xxx-mas HOES!!!

me, lindsay, and those other two sluts wish you all a very merry XXX-mas!!! get slutty for santa and instead of just sitting on his lap, give that skank a lap dance on this very special day, cos that bitch loves naughty hoes more than nice ones!!!!!

oh yes and happy birfday jesus. if it wasn't for your ass being all about taking away my sins, i'd have no presents on your birfday and that would be way lame! thanks for taking one for the team homie!!!!



feliz presents day everyone!!!  ¶ 8:53 PM

  totally back to normal, which means i have no time for you skanks anymore sorry bitches......but i am pretty much recovered and so i have gladly resumed my life of excess and zero-responsibility.....which was actually not much different than when i was stuck at home but now i can drink margaritas. anyway, i'll try to get around to posting stuff more regularly. if anything, that break from the vacation which is my every day life totally gave me a chance to rekindle my love for talking shit on the internet and posting pictures of myself and other sluts. and sometimes a hoe or two. so maybe i'll post shit more regularly. maybe. i got really lazy for a really long time but i am kind of getting sick of lazy. hm, actually no i'm not.

ps- you'll be glad to know i have broken off my relationship with donuts and will not look a fat mess for the holidays. just a drunk mess.

hopefully something close to this:




but with a santa hat.  ¶ 2:56 PM

  UM............ how come no one told me BRAD was back????????

holy shit.

so having no life has totally afforded me the opportunity to indulge in all the crappy shit i used to love when i was in school and couldn't go out as much because of things like papers and finals. so today, im sitting here as i have been for the last 96 hours trying to fill the minutes (it has come to where every minute feels like an hour) until i can once again have human contact with someone that isn't a)my mom or b)maury povich and i'm flipping through channels and who's gorgeous neanderthal face and teef are grunting at me but my beautiful Brad of The Real World San Diego fame!!!!!!!! i died. ok, no. i started laughing. but i laughed so hard i could have given myself a heart attack. that ho is such a meat head. i fucking love him. and somehow bitch has become more cave-man in the face than he used to be!!! it's amazing.

this encounter prompted me to do a quick mtv.com search for pictures from The Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Duel on which he can be currently seen.....this is totally better than a las begas jackpot, for sure:









ps- BRAD MARRY ME  ¶ 8:05 PM

  delirium makes you crave time travel: an amazing discovery by yours truly once upon a time i did all this stuff and took a million pictures of me doing said stuff. being imprisoned by the stitches in my face and the sedating effects of painkillers has made me long for the taste of freedom (ok vodka) and has forced me into performing compuslive acts of amusement to keep me from doing something severely irrational: like, reading.

so i am going to post pictures until i actually begin to believe i am not at home and am actually like, having fun....with alcohols and bitches and sluts and whores. i know it's only been 2 days but i can not take it anymore. and i'm getting fucking fat. not eating is totally crap. ok, maybe by eating soft foods the doctor didn't mean mountains of deep fried ring shaped bread with sugar on top which happens to be soft in the middle NOR did he probably mean obscene amounts of Haggen Daz or Macaroni and Cheese, but still. No, actually, he did say i should eat Macaroni and Cheese. Lame. I thought my mouth being out of order would help me out for the holidays......fucking donuts. well, anyway......here is the first of what will probably be a hundred thousand of these....

Once Upon A Time.....My Brother Had A Birfday

so like sometime in august my brother and his slut-tourage celebrated my little brother's turning the big 2-4 in las baginas (las begas)! I was kindly allowed to accompany the whores because a) i'm the bomb and b) bitch had no choice, i always go to his birfdays whether he likes it or not.

we started off at the only place we eat when we are in begas, Mesa, because we all want to have sex with bobby flay. yes, all of us:








after getting krunk on the best margaritas ever made and stuffing our faces with bobby flay's meat, we decided to go to Tao at the Venetian.












that shit started out pretty fucking boring. tao pretty much sucks. it's kind of ugly and like boring and shit. we went up stairs to some giant room where they were playing music for like oily people so we went back down to look for the hip hop room. first we went to the bar by those statues and got shitfaced on patron and then we took more pictures. drunker ones.























even though we were drunker, that shit was still boring, so shaun posed for a quick photo shoot:






then the girls:





then rochi's coochie*:






after that, we decided it was probably time to go back to caesars. when we got back, we went to the diner and i had some seriously delicious pumpkin donuts. mmmm......in fact, i think i am going to go have a donut now.

i totally had a pretty decent time that night. mostly because of our special guest, rochi's coochie. that must be what it's like to hang out with the new britney spears. vaginas are 2006's number one accessory, i guess. who knew!

*rochi's coochie = hello kitty, a mailbox, and a bird. i can't show you the real rochi coochie because that skeez would kill me. and because i don't want to throw up. it would really annoy my stitches.  ¶ 1:22 AM