it is totally this old people class. damnit, they got me.
ps - rhiannon and say you love me are the most beautiful songs to write a paper to. ¶ 12:08 AM
dear hookers, bitches, and skanks,
i want to see brokeback mountain but no one wants to go with me because all the flamers i know went without me, fucking typical!
i think i might be addicted to boba but am trying not to be. i seriously used to hate boba, but the other day brian and i had a boba date and i told the boba dude to put mini boba in my taro shake thing and seriously it was the most fun i've ever had drinking something that wasn't full of kettle or jameson. i think this is a sign of maturity.
i am most addicted to coffee, though. which is scary because i also used to hate coffee. oh no, my powers are reversing. instead of loving then hating, im hating then loving. i dont like this shift.
i have also realized i prefer ellen to oprah these days. oprah has been crap lately. all she does is make me question the straightness of my straight male friends (if you watch, you will know that oprah has centered an unsettling amount of her recent episodes on women who married gay men that didnt know they were gay), give me anxiety, and make me feel like i should feel fat (you know because that's what a middle aged woman does). ellen does none of the above.
i recently got the digital cable version of tivo, moxi, and am addicted to that too. i think moxi-ing will totally be a disease and i wont be able to stop recording crap. and by crap i mean CRAP. i will totally end up regularly recording Montel one day.
seriously bitches, if i ever met a bitch dumber than paris hilton i would for reals want someone to kill me. for reals for reals.
TMZ.com is reporting they have copies of a Paris Hilton deposition in which she answers some questions regarding an incident involving (her ex)Paris L.'s ex-girlfriend, Zeta Graff and herself (Paris H). Basically Paris Ho told 'Page Six' a bunch of lies about Zeta that made Zeta look like a crazy bitch!! anyways, blah blah, that's not the important part....the important part is Paris is a dumb fucking slut! her brain must have stopped functioning properly because it is pickled in jizz instead of normal brain juice. damn, that's gross.
When asked about the person she (Paris) was with on a night there was a supposed fight between Paris and Zeta, Paris offered the following bits of spectacular information...
"In her deposition, Hilton is asked about a companion that night whose first name was Terry. When asked if she knew his last name,
Hilton replied: "It is like a weird Greek name. Like Douglas.""
"Hilton was also asked if she was aware that the article had been republished in various newspapers.
Graff's lawyer, Paul Berra, asked: "Were there U.K. publications?"
Hilton responded: "No... there is stuff in London."
Hilton's lawyer, Larry Stein, jumped in: "London is a U.K. publication."
Her retort: "Right. U.K. Whatever.""
"Hilton swore she never saw a republication of the article: "I was in Europe the whole summer, and all there is is like French -- I didn't see anything because I wasn't in America.""
*here is what this bitch said when she was asked about her encounter with Graff that nite*:
"I just said to her... she is old and should stay at home with her child instead of being at nightclubs with young people. And just that -- I just - what else did I say? Just that she is not cute at all."
"She added that Graff had threatened Latsis: "He said that she threatened to send Mexican people to come and beat the s..t out of him.""
"Hilton testified that she too was scared: "He said that she was going to do voodoo on me. And I kind of do believe in that stuff a little bit, so I was a little bit scared about that... ""
also at one point.....that bitch "blurted: "I'm so hungry""
-----
this bitch is a serious threat to society! if they don't even let old people drive, how the hell are they allowing this bitch to roam around Los Angles and New York!!! i fear for my life! ¶ 11:46 AM
so last night brian, miss marni, and i decided to have a Steel Magnolias Pajama Party at brian's house and let me say it was beyond the hottest thing you could ever think of!!! Wait, actually, it was disgusting. i think i ate an entire vending machine's worth of processed food snacks. mmmm. fried chicharonnes!!!!
ok so i really think Steel Magnolias is seriously underrated among le gays. I also think there needs to be more respect paid to the ladies of Chaiquapin Parish, Louisiana and i want to see more fags aspire to be one of the bitches from Steel Magnolias! especially the Dolly Parton character....that bitch has some hot hair!!
so this movie definitely has some super hot moments........like when Julia Roberts' character has a Diabetic seizure and they make that bitch drink the orange juice, but she refuses and then Sally Fields has to get crazy on her...that shit is hot.....it is way reminiscent of the Ike and Tina "Cake" scene from 'What's Love Got To Do With It'.....both those scenes are pee in your pants funny, but in Steel Magnolias it's all about old bitches from the south with giant hair and stupid accents, so it makes everything like a hundred million thousand times hotter!!!!
so yeah i guess my point is that fags should love Steel Magnolias and dress up like them at the West Hollywood Halloween Parade more often. oh and also, eating pork rinds, popcorn, tortilla chips, flaming hot limon cheetos, cream cheese with salsa, sour cream with tapatio, an entire jug of sangria, some sees candy, and a box of valentines day supermarket brand cookies is not really a good idea. well, not within the span of 2 hours, at least.
the hot pajama party begins with brian getting us in the mood with a little serenading from Mimi and The Divine Miss Midler......
while Marni and i put together our "meal".......
a southern belle always wears a hat!! and a dolly parton t-shirt...yes, i am wearing a dollyworld t-shirt!
Brian is so weak sauce:
marni suffers the side effects of having a job (ew):
after those two whores woke up from their wine-induced catnaps, we watched a little golden girls.....here we are next to our GG counterparts:
...the end.
gotta go skanks, The OC just started and the Cooper child is ON!! that bitch is so HOT!! ok, bye whores.
¶ 7:54 PM
seriously that is some scary shit!!! how disturbing are her teef???? poor hil! can't she fucking fix that shit! i mean if there is a dr. who was able to fix la reid's frankentitties, something can be done about this mess. dude, i feel bad.... wait no i don't...that shit is seriously fucking funny!!! ¶ 5:52 PM
1.slut
2.jasmin
3.jasi-saurussss-rexxxx-rarrr(in that order)
Three parts of your heritage:
1. carnivore
2. herbivore
3. lazy-whore
Three Things that scare you:
1. bees
2. trannies with vaginas
3. my own laziness
Three of your everyday doings
1. waking up, evenutally
2. making a list of things i should do
3. going back to bed
Three Things you are wearing right now:
1. the jeans i can't button because it makes it hard to breathe that i was duped into purchasing, AGAIN. ladies, do not, i repeat DO NOT, shop at the Miss Sixty in costa mesa. they are relentless and will say anything to make you buy jeans that are 2 sizes too small for your ass!! those bitches are evil commission monsters.
2. my verona t-shirt
3. my apathy
Three of your favorite bands or musical artists:
1. modern lovers
2. syd barrett
3. out hud
Three of your favorite songs
1. your song- elton john
2. lay all your love on me- abba
3. the built to spill album "keep it like a secret", i consider it one song
Three things you want in a relationship:
1. someone supportive of my relationship with corndogs, gelato, vodka, sunglasses, purses, and gays
2. anyone with an inherrent aversion to anything i might love because it is ugly, compeletely un-funny, or totally useless (basically someone sane)
3. someone that can have a full phone conversation with me in under 60 seconds
Two truths and a lie:
1. i have consistently been waking up at 2pm everyday
2. i refuse to participate in my online intersession class about old people *my favorite kind of people*
3. i am not contemplating going to disneyland, right now, to play the video game ride by myself
Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you:
1. saltiness (accepting anyone meeting either/or both definitions...although i know only one is physical. a mere technicality.)
2. choice of t-shirt
3. bodakadonk (no, not really)
Three of your favorite hobbies:
1. food club
2. adventuring
3. cleaning other people's rooms when they aren't looking
Three things you really want to do badly right now
1. regain the will and want to get out of my bed (no i'm not sick, just lazy)
2. shower
3. start my day
Three places you want to go on vacation:
1. prague
2. dubai
3. galapagos
Three things you want to do before you die:
1. jump out of an airplane with a middle aged thrill seeker attatched to my back speaking sweet nothings (regarding how to pull on my parachute so i don't die) into my ears
2. to do something worthy of being dubbed "the new PT Barnum", although, i think that's already happened, but has only been apparent to a limited audience
3. eat a tur-duck-en
Three ways that I am stereotypically a (guy/girl)
guy
1. i want to bone jessica alba
2. i believe feelings and lovin' don't mix
3. the idea of a manicure makes me uneasy
girl
1. chocolate
2. baking
3. crying
three people I would like to see take this quiz
1. the president
2. the governator
3. Liza Minelli ¶ 5:26 PM
1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at?
whatever im trying to spy on
2. How much cash do you have on you?
my vegas 2006 souveneir
3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?
the olsens-est
4. Favorite planet?
earth
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
i dont care, it's not like i'll call them back anyways. sorry bitches, you know i hate the telephone.
6. What is your main ring tone on your phone?
ring, ring, ring
7. What shirt are you wearing?
a t-shirt i got in verona
8. Do you "label" yourself?
"no". that would require thinking, and i refuse to do any of that until Spring semester starts
9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing?
"feet....."youre born with them" unless you werent and then im sorry if i offended you" (same answer as kelly, and possibly the person before her)
1o. Bright or Dark Room?
it depends. bright if im shopping or applying makeup, otherwise it's unnecessary. oh wait, i take that back. it is also essesntial if you are in a gay bar and trying to spot the trannies, well maybe not essential but it helps.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey.
i think kelly and dr. dre should become the new jasmin and brian.
12. Ever "spilled the beans"?
for entertainment purposes, yes.
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
eating thai food and watching flava flav spread his love
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say?
my cell phone company sending me a password, i think. checking would require physical exertion, i hate that.
15. Do you ever click on "Pop Ups" or Banners?
nope
16. What's a saying that you say a lot, lately?
"dude, that is totally a dude"
17. Who told you they loved you last: donut
18. Last furry thing you touched?
charlie murphy boonkrunk
19. How Many Drugs Have You Done In The Past Three Days?
i totally consider corndogs a drug. so 1.
2o. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?:
i have upgraded and gone digital
21. Favorite age you have been so far?
hm 21 and 25, 17 was good too
22. Your worst enemy?
myself
23 What is your current desktop picture?
i don't know, i stole it from some club site
24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"charlie is an asshole"
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret, which would you choose?
million dollars. i can probably buy the regret and put it on my mantle or something.
26. Do you love/like someone?
i love/like everyone. at first. i'm a whore. a cheap one. at first.
(if you do not know, california adventure has the best corndogs in the entire world. they are worth the annual pass. no joke bitches. i am no lightweight when it comes to corndogs! BRING IT ON WHORES!)
other hotness:
the new space mountain because the inside got a makeover and went from 1963 to 1993, while the actual ride went from 1980 to 1968; it's awesome. also, the music makes me feel like james bond and the people that were in front of us in line basically dry humped in front of us. they were like 14 and the dude's mom was totally into it. it was scary.
.....did i mention how delicious the corndogs are?
yeah, the tower of terror was hot as usual because i forgot how it makes you totally kick the people in front of you in the head. and the people in front of us sucked, so that was hot.
i would have posted more pictures, but i didn't take any because i really only go to disneyland for the castle (corndog, not that other whore castle) so, yeah....there you go. but i do love that video game ride. so now i go for that too.
:Not KBIG. it's gone. R.I.P. Disco Workout Lunch Hour.
:Gossip Girl remains the hottest show on tv. Honorable Mention: America's Most Smartest Model!!!
:The Road by the dude who wrote Blood Meridien who's name has escaped me because that book scares me so i refuse to bring it into the bedroom with me.
:* 99cent Taco Tuesdays at El Torito followed by Dollar Scoops Tuesdays at Baskin Robbins. i only eat on tuesdays.