i'm still not getting one of those job things hey whores. check it. i fucking graduated. awesome.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

the ceremony was hot. no it wasn't. that shit was boring.


im a stoked slut: im a stoked slut ready to go to my partay:the ritz-carlton is for hot family sluts only:

best present ever:

i don't know what's hotter. that my brother handed me a hot brown bag as a present or that the brown bag had a fucking bottle of cristal in it. i think the hottest part is me getting wasted.

the end.

i still have summer school.  ¶ 12:28 AM

  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i just watched last week's OC finale and NOOOOOOOOOOOO how could they kill marissa!!!!! she was totally my favorite hooker!!!!
julie cooper is the hottest bitch on tv. anyway, they better keep the mini around! she will be the only one worth watching now for hot fashion tips cos summer cant dress for shit.


ok bitch dresses aight, but she annoys me. oh dude, and is this the end of Volchok????? volchok is totally almost exactly like my psycho stalker ex so i totally relate to marissa which makes her death even harder for me to believe!! that could have been me!!! i still dont believe that marissa is dead. well if i know tv, i know they will bring that bitch back as a zombie or as a vegetable or something. i wouldnt care how she came back as long as she still looked hot and inspired my wardrobe.

RIP you skanky slut, may all the hot dudes (and chick) you boned come back and bone your hot sister: ok this whore skanked it with more people but im too tired and lazy to find pictures of that crap. you get the idea though...............

although the ep was semi hot, the hottest thing about the finale had to have been the "The Devil Wears Prada" preview!!!!!!! i can not WAIT for that shit to come out! anyone who knows my ass knows how much i LURVE ana wintour and this movie is supposed to be based on some skanks real life relationship with that power-bitch. ana wintour is the hottest shit ever.

in non hot news, i am 3 finals down and have two to go. i am beyond excited. tonite i had the toughest of them so it's all downhill from here. i am most excited because it will be nice to sleep. cos i havent done that yet. not in about one week. not even in begas. vegas is totally a family obligation i have realized. like reunions. or birthdays. or whatever normal families do. me and my familia never ever see each other unless we are in vegas. and even then, we only see each other when one of us runs out of money. it's defintely hot. we totally all get along in vegas and we each get our own rooms on different floors. it's like the perfect arrangement. i wish it was like that all the time. ew and i totally didn't win shit this time. i was not a happy gambler. at least i got to eat some warm delicious congee!! mmmmm........

dude, i better fucking pass my finals. i'll kill a bitch if i have to take any of these gd classes over again. goddamnit, i really hate school.

  ¶ 12:27 AM

  "it was a nightmare on hollywood blvd" - abc 7 news HOLLYWOOD, May 21, 2006 - A street performer dressed as the horror movie character Freddy Krueger, of "Nightmare on Elm Street" fame, was arrested today for allegedly stabbing a man with his knife-like fingernails in front of Mann's Chinese Theatre, police said.

The costumed man was dressed in a full-body Freddy Krueger costume, including a glove with fingers made of scissor blades, said Lt. Dennis Ballas.
Witnesses say the Freddy Krueger look-alike was being harassed by a passerby who appeared to be drunk. That's when the Freddy character allegedly stabbed the man in the chest with his scissor-hand.

The victim was treated and released from a hospital after suffering puncture wounds.

The man dressed as Krueger, who is in his 20s, was uninjured. He has been arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon.

It isn't unusual to see street performers dressed up as famous characters taking photos with tourists outside Mann's Chinese Theatre.

"We thought all the characters on Hollywood Boulevard had props made of plastic, but this guy's hands were made of real metal," Ballas said.

Copyright © 2006 KABC-TV. All rights reserved.
---------------------------------------------------------------

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! this is seriously my favorite local news story ever ever ever!!!!!!!!!! hahahahaha. hahahahah!! i heart freddy and his scissor hand!!  ¶ 5:18 PM

  i want to die. that's pretty much it.

why is having actually attended class during the semester so crucial for finals. they should just ask you what you liked about the class and that should be the end of it.

maybe i SHOULD consider teaching. i would rule.  ¶ 2:18 PM

  "she lives in a motel, in new york city" - brandon davis i love when you bitches hook a sista up.

this one came courtesy of eric.....



i like the "Wilmer is in a mariachi band" part. ok and if lohan's vag really had freckles coming out of it, that would be a way hot super power. her vagina can battle paris' green sludge spewing vag in a battle of slut vs. ho....... care bear stare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(oh and for the record, as mean as brandon davis is, that shit is fucking hilarious....i love high school.....)  ¶ 11:07 AM

  it's the little things.... I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL
I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL
I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL
I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL
I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL
I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL
I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL
I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL
I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL
I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL
I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL
I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL
I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL
I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL
I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL
I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL
I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL
I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL  ¶ 2:06 AM

  a definite glitch in the formula.... uh, so,

mi vida loca + bored jasmin = awesome

paper on the cultural and historical relevance of mi vida loca and it's possible impacts on the Latino/a image + bored jasmin = not awesome

this shit was due at 10pm and i have been staring at a blank page for about 3 hours. all i can think about are their bangs. can i write a 5 page paper on that shit? goddamnit. i hate this time of the semester....you know, when classes demand like, my attention. don't they know i have some beam and ginger in a can to drink at the Huntington Pier.

Ew, no way, that's ghetto. I'd drink it in Newport.

maybe this will inspire something totally profound.....or at the very least get my mind off of aqua net and black lip liner.....and yeah, this means it's survey time.....

1) Are your parents married or divorced?

married and unable to understand each other cos they have never spoken the same language. even when they speak english. it's hot. im their rosetta stone.

2) Vegetarian?

only when i have to. dude, people who don't eat meat scare the shit out of me. how anyone can deny themselves carne asada is beyond me.

3) Heaven?

see previous post

4) Come close to dying?

yes. many many many many times. boring to recall, hot when it happened.

5) What jewelry do you wear 24/7?

what jewelry don't i wear 24/7. i sleep eat drink and breathe bling.

6) Are you eating?

unfortunately. i loathe hunger.

7) Do you eat the stems of broccoli?

boring

8) Makeup?

Forever

10) Would you ever have plastic surgery?

yes, but only if it means i will inherit the Sigfried and Roy empire

11) What do you wear to bed?

dude, personal

12) Have you ever done anything illegal?

lame. who hasn't.

13) Can you roll your tongue?

fo shizzle

14) Tweeze your eyebrows?

obsessively

15) What kind of sneakers?

chucks for sure but sometimes vans

16) Abortion?

ok so i went to a catholic high school and every year the nuns would hand out these fucking insanely disturbing stickers of fetuses which i guess were supposed to make you not want to get an abortion ever but all it did was make bitches gag and make them fuck the dean and have his babies. true story.

17) Hair color?

who cares.

18) Future child's name?

Original Flavored

19) Do you snore?

i dont know. i think i do in vegas.

20) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?

the spelling mansion

21) Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

man, i have a stuffed animal sancturay on my bed. charlie is almost a stuffed animal cos bitch is fat.

22) If you won the lottery, what would you do first?

yell "booyah"

23) Gold or silver?

plastic

24) Hamburger or hot dog?

hamurger...if i had a corndog option then i don't think i would be able to decide, so thank god for that. i would totally lose sleep and shit.

25) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

noooooooo........i'd rather starve than choose.

26.) City, beach or country?

LA por vida.

27) What was the last thing you touched?

the book "Islands in the Street: Gangs and American Urban Society". it's a total piece of shit.

28) Where do you eat dinner?

the pupusa kingdom that my mom maintains

29) When's the last time you cried?

probably tonite

30) Do you read blogs?

yeah

31) Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?

pretty much everyday. and by opposite sex, i mean 12 year old boy.

32) Ever been involved with the police?

only when they think im a hooker

33) What's your favourite shampoo/conditioner and soap?

Biolage smells so good. I like all the Bliss products for soap.

34) Do you talk in your sleep?

totally. sometimes i make out too.

35) Ocean or pool?

anywhere it is safe to bring my hello kitty life perserver

36) What's your favorite song at the moment?

Release Me - Angelina

37) what's your favorite color?

gay

38) Window seat or aisle?

window if i know everyone in the row. aisle otherwise. fuck strangers. although i love strangers, i hate them on airplanes.

39) Ever met anyone famous?

please dont remind me that i lost fabio

40) Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life?

duh. i dont do shit and get presents all the time.

41) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?

i shove it

42) Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey?

Oprah all the way

43) Basketball or Football?

Football

44) 15 - 30 minutes?

i'll be late no matter what

45) Do you drive a stick?

no way. that would require way too much activity on my part. manual is already too labor intensive.

46) Cake or ice cream?

ice cream

47) Self-conscious?

um, LA born and raised - self conscious is like part of the female constitution in LA

49) Have you ever given money to a bum?

yeah, but my favorite bum is the fake security guard in the little pedro's parking lot cos he wears a hat and a uniform but he's not like legitimate. he's awesome.

50) When was your first crush?

a dude named Che in preschool. he wrote me a hot letter i still have.

51) Where do you wish you were?

wherever graduated people go....but not "at work". ew.

53) Have you ever rode in an ambulance?

yeah it's ridden. and no.

54) Can you tango?

only into fabio's heart. if i had the chance.

55) Last gift you received?

see 2nd previous post

56) Last sport you played?

talking on the phone

57). Things you spend a lot of money on?

myself

58) Where do you live?

with the parentals

60) Last wedding attended?

karthiho's

61) Favorite fast food restaurant?

this is too difficult a question. i cant answer this. sorry.

63) Most hated food(s)?

hate is such a strong word. why is this shit all about food!! leave me alone already!!

65) Can you sing?

badly

66) Last IM?

Dez

67) what's your least fav. chores?

conversing with my parents

68) Favorite drink?

i hate picking favorites. coffee i guess.

69) Current Crush?

the embodiment of the following Wham! lyrics:

"Some people work for a living,
Some people work for fun,
Girl, I just work for you.......

Why do I do the things I do?
I’d tell you if I knew.
My god...
I don’t even think that I love you...."

wherever this dude is, he's hot.  ¶ 10:27 PM

  ....or maybe this is heaven they look like beautiful angels. beautiful angels straight from a crack den. courtney has some sturdy boobs though. thats kinda hot.  ¶ 11:21 AM

  so apparently..... ....love can totally be bought!!!!

fabio shmabio! i feel a lot better about losing my wildest dream now. i am so glad to have been born into a family where affection comes via purchasing power!!!! my birfday affections came courtesy of marc and yves (that's jacobs and saint laurent, respectively) this year. my parents are hot. actually this birfday has been my favorite since the time i had a pool party and got a set of GIANT (i mean GIANT) New Kids On The Block pins, a Milli Vanilli cassette tape, and flourescent shit. man, 1988 was a good year.....

-Much like the bags above, this bag was also successful of an induced "i love you" when my good friend marisa (who i do love, but you know, conditionally) presented it to me.....

(it's heaven!)

shallow 2006 is totally in full effect!!!

  ¶ 10:58 AM

  this could have been me...... it still should.  ¶ 2:17 AM

  i didn't win the date with fabio i didn't win the date with fabio  ¶ 2:14 AM

  god fucking damnit..... .....yes bitch, that's right....your ass is pregnant, again.



goddamnit.  ¶ 12:14 AM

 

Go, go, go, go
Go, go, go shorty
It's your birthday
We gon' party like it's yo birthday
We gon' sip Bacardi like it's yo birthday
'Cause you know we don't give a fuck
It's [Jasmin's] birthday!

You can find [Jasmin] in the club, bottle full of Bud
Mama, I got that X, if you into takin' drugs
I'm into having sex, I ain't into making love
So come give me a hug if you into getting rubbed
When I pull out up front, you see the Benz on dubs
When I roll 20 deep, it's 20 knives in the club
blah blah blah........

In the hood, in L.A. they saying "[JASMIN] you hot"
They like me, I want them to love me like they love 'Pac
But holla in New York them [sluts]'ll tell ya im loco
And the plan is to put the rap game in a choke hold
I'm feelin' focused man, my money on my mind
I got a mill out the deal and I'm still on the grind
blah blah blah......


If the [bitches] hate then let 'em hate
Watch the money pile up
Or we go upside there wit a bottle of bub
You know where we fucking be
Don't try to act like you ain't know where we been either [skank]
In the club all the time [hooker], its about to pop off [skank]
JASMIN-Unit

  ¶ 12:02 AM

  Feliz Cinco de Gringo! Hi Sluts!!!!! i just wanted to wish you a happy white people mexican holiday! cinco de mayo is totally poo. unless you do it my style and instead of going out and getting drunk on overpriced coronas in bars full of fraternity dudes/sorority sluts and paying cover charges at the doors of bars you would never ever ever pay to get into otherwise because they are shitholes, i eat pan dulce. MMMMMMM..........i especially love the ones with delicious pineapple jam. ooooo and the cake ones, especially the pink ones!!!


cinco de mayo should be officially changed to cinco de j-ayo. after me. duh, cos may is my birthday. yes, the whole month. so feel free to tell me you love me all month long. fer real.   ¶ 3:55 PM

  More about 'Caviar and Catfights'............. "You guys look exactly the same. It's like we're all in formaldehyde."

the hottest quote ever. i hope someone else watched the Dynasty reunion. it was boring but it was hot to see those bitches like move around and talk because seriously it was creepy!!!!! i can't find any pictures from that shit. when i do..........you bitches better be ready!  ¶ 10:15 AM

  ok one more things for today THE DYNASTY REUNION is fucking scary as shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! these bitches are one sneeze away from turning into dust!!!!! i always loved Alexis Carrington!!!!! ever since i was a little girl!!! my parents were either going to name me Crystal or Alexis but then they backed out of that shit!! they were hardcore fans.....but my parents are lame. i would have loved to be named after a Carrington!!!!! my dad and i used to watch Dynasty when i was like 5...we also watched Knotts Landing! my dad is hot. anyway, i had to mention this shit cos im watching it now and im literally at the edge of my seat waiting for Joan Collins' face to fall on the floor and her arm to crawl away from her a'la "Death Becomes Her"(a way hot movie)! Ok that's all.

ps - did i mention the reunion is called "Caviar and Catfights"? that's hot shit. that will be the theme of my birthday this year!  ¶ 10:39 PM

  le ipod survey pt.2 um, you know how this works.....put your shit on shuffle and go.........

How am I feeling today?
"too many secrets" - patsy cline

Will I get far in life?
"I Will" - Prince

How do my friends see me?
"La Bruja" - Frida soundtrack
(EW THOSE BITCHES!!!)

Where will I get married?
"Theme" - Eternal Sunshine.... Soundtrack

What is my best friend's theme song?
"Garcon Culotte" - Les Sans Culottes

What is the story of my life?
"backwoods" - red hot chili peppers
(that's hot)

What is/was high school like?
"blackouts" - Les Savy Fav
(that's firme)

How can I get ahead in life?
"i'm not talking" - the yardbirds

What is the best thing about me?
"a touching display"- Wire
(uh, that's way hot)

What is today going to be like?
"nothing to do" - the Queers

What is in store for this weekend?
"Las Mujeres de Juarez" - Los Tigres Del Norte
(oh my god, that is seriously the hottest answer i've ever gotten in my life! i'm totally going to stuff my face with enchiladas and shit this weekend for my birfday!!!!! Los Tigres always make me want to get my enchilada on.)

What song describes my parent(s)?
"there's nothing wrong with hating rock critics" - of Montreal

To describe my grandparents?
"ship in a bottle"- bright eyes

How is my life going?
"big baby" - danielson famile
(true dat)

What song will they play at my funeral?
"take you on a cruise" - interpol

How does the world see me?
"kiss and ride" - bratmobile

Will I have a happy life?
"orgasmatron" - sepultera
(that's beyond firme)

What do my friends really think of me?
"theoretical chaos" - sonic youth

Do people secretly lust after me?
"i love you so" - the crows
(ew, love is poo)

How can I make myself happy?
"everybody loves you" - kaki king
(goddamnit, i said love is poo!)

What should I do with my life?
"The Girl From Back There" - Kings of Convenience
(Is this shit telling me to become a prostitute?....does this mean i really will win my date with fabio?????)

Will I ever have children?
"can it be all so simple" - Wu Tang Clan

damn bitches, this shit was intense. seriously these ipod surveys freak me the fuck out. fucking apple voodoo and shit!  ¶ 9:43 PM

  call me La Slut hookers, last night i watched one of the greatest movies ever made in the history of movies!!!! although i have for YEARS heard a lot about this film, i never got around to actually watching it....mostly because no one would ever talk about what the movie was about, just that like, they watched it i guess. so when in my Bronze Screen class we were given the assignment to watch a Latino based film and write a paper about it, i decided this would be a good opportunity to watch this shit.....and bitches, it was dope!



Mi Vida Loca is seriously the hottest movie for the hottest of sluts. it's about two hot gangster chicks, Mousie (maribelle) and Sad Girl (mona), who live in ECHO PARQUE, ok, echo park, and are in the Echo Park gang. But the movie is not really about that shit. I mean that they are in a gang is a major part of who they are, but the movie is really about like everyday life and sluts being friends and the crap that hot sluts have to put up with to stay hot.

so the movie starts out with Mousie and Sad Girl bitching each other out. We soon find out the reason these two hot bitches are hating on each other is because Mousie's man, Ernesto, had a baby with Sad Girl. Then we find out that Mousie and Sad Girl were like BFF! stupid ernesto! anyway, so both Mousie and Sad Girl have that asshole's babies and those bitches can no longer stand each other. they like gross each other out and stuff!

so then blah blah they go into how it all happened and then there's like tia's and abuela's and a dude named Spooky and his hot wife Carmen and their kids, something hot (i forgot the name of the first kid they mention) and pepito who take Mousie in when her dad kicks her out....that part is hot......and yeah etc.....

ok so after they give you all that hot backstory, you catch up with these bitches as they come across each other and get into a hot bitch fight that goes something like:

mousie: Hey, BITCH
sad girl: what, BITCH?
mousie: You're a BITCH
sad girl: fuck you BITCH
--------------------------------------------
then it gets really hot:
mousie: tonight meet me at the logs "where you became a slut with my vato. and don't be a leva." BITCH

OH MY GOD THAT PART IS SERIOUSLY SO HOT I MELTED!!!!!!!!

ok so then they go into like stupid ernesto's side of the story where he narrates and we find out that ho is a crack dealer and shit. i love when a different person narrates because i like how they each say "ECHO PARQUE"! that shit is hot. i always used to call Echo Park "ECHO PARQUE" but i didnt know it was cos of Mi Vida Loca!!! ok pero anyways, that shit continues and blah blah shit goes down and so on and so on.

the best part of Ernesto's story is when he buys a hot truck called Suavecito that has a hot gangster chick painted on it and the song Suavecito plays! that song is rad. it's also hot when he says he didn't tell his bitches that he got the firme ride cos girls get jealous at the time you spend on a car! that part is both true and hot.

It's also during ernesto's story that we meet El Duran, some rival gang dude with a hot car and a Salma Hayek on his arm (no joke). so then there's more homegirl interraction which got me really excited because those sluts start talking to each other in hot spanglish and call each other "Esa"!!! i'd never heard that shit before!!! i've heard "Ese" but not "esa". it's my new favorite. and then all these bitches keep talking to each other and say "firme'" alot and stuff. i love it.

ok so it goes on and more stuff happens. i don't want to get tooo into it because i dont want to ruin it for you sluts, but trust me, hot shit happens. later in the movie we also meet other hot sluts, like Whispers and a super hot slut named Giggles who comes out of jail and is like a reformed homegirl and shit. that bitch is firme. she's a veterana even though she's only like 22 probaby but whatever, that bitch has been around.... so she tries to teach the younger esa's some like lessons in life and tries to tell them they should learn computers. it's hot.

here are some other hot quotes:
when Mousie's little son goes up to Sad Girl's baby daughter at the park and starts playing with her....

Mousie: Get your hands out of her face, menso
Chupale, they're getting along!
Junior, that's a little girl you can't have, menso
-------------------------------------
Then,
Sad Girl: Mousie, I'm going to McDonalds
Mousie: Burger King is better, ey
Sad Girl: They don't got what i like at burger king
Mousie: It's cheaper at Burger King
Sad Girl: Fine, you go to Burger King, I'll go to McDonalds
Mousie: I'll go to McDonalds

THIS MOVIE IS SO RAD!
-----------------------------
another hot quote:
The homegirls are at some hot cleaned up veterana's house because she is cleaning up Whispers' gun wound. They are about to go pick up Giggles at county and the hot veterana tells them to be careful....

Hot Veterana: Just go becareful please and don't let her stop at no fucking bar, shit, ok....bring her straight home!

that's fucking hot. and fuck that bitch, if i came out of county i'd want to get my drink on! but they don't. they go eat hot hamburgers.
---------------------------------
another hot quote:

sad girl: the welfare ain't cutting it, trip out, i only got like 2 food stamps left

that's hot
---------------------------------
another hot quote:
when big sleepy and giggles are done getting their bone on.....

big sleepy: that was great baby. my little angelica. you were such an innocent girl. i was afraid to love you too strong, but i did.

DUDE!! TELL ME THAT IS NOT HOT, QUE NO!
----------------------------------------

they're talking about Juan Temido aka: El Duran who "La Blue Eyes" is in love with...

Sad Girl: It can't be the same guy. This guy ain't no playboy. He was the serious type. He wrote poetry and shit

homegirl: Man, who wouldn't in prison! tsh, when they get out it's a different story, ey.

serio

other really awesome stuff happens and then this shit ends and stuff and you totally don't want it to. you want to like know what else happens and want to follow Mousie and Sad Girl around forever and get your bangs all done up and shit but you can't. it's fucking depressing. i'm totally in love.
  ¶ 1:18 PM