an ode to instructional dance songs

Labels: hot songs, i'm awesome, i'm bored

  ¶ 4:50 PM

  the hot song post for march - all timbaland edition i know i do this alot. but i can't help it. i am a total sucker for hot songs with big boobs. or the equivalent of that in jasmin-music world: which is, a hot club song with lyrics that could have been found in a slutty thirteen year old's diary!!!!

timbaland has been laying down the hotness for a really long ass time. he basically IS missy elliot (and by that i mean: you know how in that one video from the 90's with the fat dude singing behind a curtain with like a harmonica or some shit and there's like not fat dudes singing to the crowd, but really the fat dude is the one with all the talent...well, timbaland is kind of like that, but he's not fat. missy is.) anyway, i forgot what i was talking about and im too lazy to go up and re read it....but timbaland is a hot producer who sometimes puts out his own tracks when he's not being the fat dude with the harmonica behind missy elliot's curtain. except he's not fat. missy is.

here are two of timbaland's current projects:

one is the hotness that is the Omarion ballad featuring Timbaland about Omarion having a refrigerator/freezer instead of a heart! i totally relate, which is why i like this song. please don't think i'm kidding. the actual lyric is "..i got a icebox where my heart used to be.." so....there. i think i have a gelato maker where my heart used to be. i'm seriously made of carbohydrates. soft ones!!



the second one is the hotness that is the Timbaland song, featuring Nelly "boring but hot" Furtado, and Justin "hot but embarassing" Timberlake. Not only does Nelly do a hot job singing on this track, Timbaland shit talks Scott Storch (who is seriously the biggest douchebag looking dude ever!), but also....Justin tries to talk shit to Prince, which is really fucked up but hot because prince doesn't give a shit about that bitch, i'm sure. he's too busy being hot in begas shaking his ass for me and providing people in suits with braids and tambourines an unforgettable night. he is also busy being too sexy for middle aged nerds with tables with VIP bottle service who don't drink while i drooled over their grey goose bottles and over prince's ass while trying to get shit-faced on $15 dollar drinks, and totally succeeding, but still drooling over bottle service and tambourines and prince's ass. or something. wait, what? i forgot what i was talking about again.....




other timbaland-affected hotnessess include but are not limited to:
Pony by Ginuwine (hot)
Try Again by Aaliyah (pretty hot)
Oops (Oh My) by Tweet (extremely hot)
Big Pimpin by Jay-Z (hot)
Snoop Dog (What's My Name part 2) by Snoop Dogg (way hot)
Diamond Dogs by Beck (totally hot)
Cry Me A River by Justin Timberlake (pretty hot)
Put You On The Game by The Game (westside hot!)
and like pretty much most of the new Nelly Furtado album (hot), most of the new Justin Timberlake album (hot), and the whole Missy Elliott library or whatever (not hot, but what can you do...those bitches grew up together...)

....he's also releasing an album (which will feature the song i posted) in April. For that album he has reportedly collaborated with Elton John, Bjork, Dr. Dre, and some other hot and not so hot people.

Labels: hot people, hot songs, hot videos, my heart is a gelato maker, timbaland is hot

  ¶ 12:41 AM

  progress.... dude..............i am still so totally bored. everyone i know has like, things to do. like real things. so lame. i totally tried to call people today and everyone was all,"i have a job.." blah blah blah. so gross. the only person i know who does even less than i do is my brother! and he sleeps all day, so i can't even not do things with him!! it's pretty sad guys. you should really feel sorry for me. it is so hard to be the only person with nothing to do but drink coffee, plan her birthday parties for the next three years, and watch E!'s all day Oscar Red Carpet coverage over and over and over because she's too lazy to change the channel (this is serious, i am so lazy i can not even pick the remote up and get rid of Ryan Seacrap's face...my god, he is the most annoying elf on the planet!!....and i don't even like awards shows!!).

so in between all the self imposed responsibilities i mentioned above, i decided to call up a temp agency and schedule an interview! totally stoked. im going tomorrow and they told me to dress "professional". This is totally the hottest thing that has been on my to-do list since...hm...i think this is the first thing that has been on my to do list all year. I hope they find my Manila Folder and Starbucks drink professional enough. I hope they place me somewhere awesome too, where there is a watercooler and middle aged people and um...whatever office people make jokes about that i never understand. i'll let you know how it goes.

ps- i totally forgot to mention a while ago that i went to the Of Montreal show at the Troubador. My Scissor Sisters post totally reminded me how stoked i was about this:

isn't that the hotness, for reals? Thanks to Kristen and Andy for letting me borrow a space on their hot camera for this!! Of Montreal is seriously hot shit and they are really fucking awesome live. Kevin (the lead ho) totally puts on an awesome show!! he totally came out in a bunch of different outfits throughout the course of the show, including but not limited to: denim cut off shorts, a giant lobster claw on one hand, something super glittery and sequined, um....some really long giant dress that he had to get on a ladder to wear, and some other stuff i dont remember because this was almost a month ago.

i think half of the people there were either scared or disgusted! it was awesome. i dont even get why people would be either of those things but you know how it is...people are lame.

there were alot of people that did their best to get their dance on but the lame people totally outnumbered the hot people so that kind of sucked. kevin barnes is way way way hot though, so that made up for all the lame people who were afraid of glitter and gayness.

that entourage dude was there and he was not afraid of glitter. and it was the HOT entourage dude too! i dont watch that show, but i know who that dude is...well after it was pointed out to me. i know him more as the hot dude from the classic Melissa Joan Hart film: "Drive Me Crazy"!

anyway, y'all should totally check them out next time they play! they totally do the outback steak house song, but not the outback steak house version...even though that was requested by someone in the audience!!

Outback Steak House Version:


Troubador Version:



Music Video Version:

Labels: bored, hot concerts, hot people, hot songs, i need a job, jobs

  ¶ 5:48 PM

  hot bangs

this nelly furtado video makes me miss my dark hair. her bangs are fucking hot, so is this song. too bad this bitch is kind of boring. i'd probably be all about her if she was like scandelous or something.

in other news, am i the only person who is not into gwen stefani? people always try to make me like her. she's totally boring. like i am into her songs because they are retarded, but i'm just as into Fergie for the same reason and i get shit for being into Fergie. Fergie and Gwen are like totally the same. they are both funky in the face with hot bodies and bangs (*when they have bangs* those hoes are fickle.). and they are both into spelling. ok maybe Fergie is a little more into spelling.

Labels: bangs, hot songs, music sluts

  ¶ 3:48 PM