my lollipops are sweeter
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
the hot song post for march - all timbaland edition
i know i do this alot. but i can't help it. i am a total sucker for hot songs with big boobs. or the equivalent of that in jasmin-music world: which is, a hot club song with lyrics that could have been found in a slutty thirteen year old's diary!!!!
timbaland has been laying down the hotness for a really long ass time. he basically IS missy elliot (and by that i mean: you know how in that one video from the 90's with the fat dude singing behind a curtain with like a harmonica or some shit and there's like not fat dudes singing to the crowd, but really the fat dude is the one with all the talent...well, timbaland is kind of like that, but he's not fat. missy is.) anyway, i forgot what i was talking about and im too lazy to go up and re read it....but timbaland is a hot producer who sometimes puts out his own tracks when he's not being the fat dude with the harmonica behind missy elliot's curtain. except he's not fat. missy is.
here are two of timbaland's current projects:
one is the hotness that is the Omarion ballad featuring Timbaland about Omarion having a refrigerator/freezer instead of a heart! i totally relate, which is why i like this song. please don't think i'm kidding. the actual lyric is "..i got a icebox where my heart used to be.." so....there. i think i have a gelato maker where my heart used to be. i'm seriously made of carbohydrates. soft ones!!
the second one is the hotness that is the Timbaland song, featuring Nelly "boring but hot" Furtado, and Justin "hot but embarassing" Timberlake. Not only does Nelly do a hot job singing on this track, Timbaland shit talks Scott Storch (who is seriously the biggest douchebag looking dude ever!), but also....Justin tries to talk shit to Prince, which is really fucked up but hot because prince doesn't give a shit about that bitch, i'm sure. he's too busy being hot in begas shaking his ass for me and providing people in suits with braids and tambourines an unforgettable night. he is also busy being too sexy for middle aged nerds with tables with VIP bottle service who don't drink while i drooled over their grey goose bottles and over prince's ass while trying to get shit-faced on $15 dollar drinks, and totally succeeding, but still drooling over bottle service and tambourines and prince's ass. or something. wait, what? i forgot what i was talking about again.....
other timbaland-affected hotnessess include but are not limited to:
Pony by Ginuwine (hot)
Try Again by Aaliyah (pretty hot)
Oops (Oh My) by Tweet (extremely hot)
Big Pimpin by Jay-Z (hot)
Snoop Dog (What's My Name part 2) by Snoop Dogg (way hot)
Diamond Dogs by Beck (totally hot)
Cry Me A River by Justin Timberlake (pretty hot)
Put You On The Game by The Game (westside hot!)
and like pretty much most of the new Nelly Furtado album (hot), most of the new Justin Timberlake album (hot), and the whole Missy Elliott library or whatever (not hot, but what can you do...those bitches grew up together...)
....he's also releasing an album (which will feature the song i posted) in April. For that album he has reportedly collaborated with Elton John, Bjork, Dr. Dre, and some other hot and not so hot people.
timbaland has been laying down the hotness for a really long ass time. he basically IS missy elliot (and by that i mean: you know how in that one video from the 90's with the fat dude singing behind a curtain with like a harmonica or some shit and there's like not fat dudes singing to the crowd, but really the fat dude is the one with all the talent...well, timbaland is kind of like that, but he's not fat. missy is.) anyway, i forgot what i was talking about and im too lazy to go up and re read it....but timbaland is a hot producer who sometimes puts out his own tracks when he's not being the fat dude with the harmonica behind missy elliot's curtain. except he's not fat. missy is.
here are two of timbaland's current projects:
one is the hotness that is the Omarion ballad featuring Timbaland about Omarion having a refrigerator/freezer instead of a heart! i totally relate, which is why i like this song. please don't think i'm kidding. the actual lyric is "..i got a icebox where my heart used to be.." so....there. i think i have a gelato maker where my heart used to be. i'm seriously made of carbohydrates. soft ones!!
the second one is the hotness that is the Timbaland song, featuring Nelly "boring but hot" Furtado, and Justin "hot but embarassing" Timberlake. Not only does Nelly do a hot job singing on this track, Timbaland shit talks Scott Storch (who is seriously the biggest douchebag looking dude ever!), but also....Justin tries to talk shit to Prince, which is really fucked up but hot because prince doesn't give a shit about that bitch, i'm sure. he's too busy being hot in begas shaking his ass for me and providing people in suits with braids and tambourines an unforgettable night. he is also busy being too sexy for middle aged nerds with tables with VIP bottle service who don't drink while i drooled over their grey goose bottles and over prince's ass while trying to get shit-faced on $15 dollar drinks, and totally succeeding, but still drooling over bottle service and tambourines and prince's ass. or something. wait, what? i forgot what i was talking about again.....
other timbaland-affected hotnessess include but are not limited to:
Pony by Ginuwine (hot)
Try Again by Aaliyah (pretty hot)
Oops (Oh My) by Tweet (extremely hot)
Big Pimpin by Jay-Z (hot)
Snoop Dog (What's My Name part 2) by Snoop Dogg (way hot)
Diamond Dogs by Beck (totally hot)
Cry Me A River by Justin Timberlake (pretty hot)
Put You On The Game by The Game (westside hot!)
and like pretty much most of the new Nelly Furtado album (hot), most of the new Justin Timberlake album (hot), and the whole Missy Elliott library or whatever (not hot, but what can you do...those bitches grew up together...)
....he's also releasing an album (which will feature the song i posted) in April. For that album he has reportedly collaborated with Elton John, Bjork, Dr. Dre, and some other hot and not so hot people.
Labels: hot people, hot songs, hot videos, my heart is a gelato maker, timbaland is hot
¶ 12:41 AM
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
let's look back.....
.....on the hottest 3/4 birfday party ever in the history of 3/4 birfdays!!! shall we?
a long time ago, in february, i celebrated my 3/4 birfday! it was rad. i missed my 1/2 birfday because i was busy being hot in a third world country, so i made some hoes throw me a 3/4 birfday party at their condo(m)!!!!! invading other people's homes to throw yourself an almost birthday party is bomb.
the theme: Mi Vida Loca
i won't explain, because i don't need to. you should already know and appreciate why this is hot. and because i'm lazy. and because i don't remember what happened that night.
(yes, my cake was a corn tamale, and yes my candle was a votive one. POR VIDA, holmes!)
.....on the hottest 3/4 birfday party ever in the history of 3/4 birfdays!!! shall we?a long time ago, in february, i celebrated my 3/4 birfday! it was rad. i missed my 1/2 birfday because i was busy being hot in a third world country, so i made some hoes throw me a 3/4 birfday party at their condo(m)!!!!! invading other people's homes to throw yourself an almost birthday party is bomb.
the theme: Mi Vida Loca
i won't explain, because i don't need to. you should already know and appreciate why this is hot. and because i'm lazy. and because i don't remember what happened that night.
(yes, my cake was a corn tamale, and yes my candle was a votive one. POR VIDA, holmes!)
Labels: 3/4 birfday, 40's, i'm awesome, mi vida loca, tamales
¶ 1:01 PM
Friday, March 02, 2007
a good time
remember when i told you about the of montreal show? well, this video is basically what it was like at the show. pretty much, kind of, but not really. this is also basically what i want my birthday party in may to be like. pretty much, kind of, but...not really. it's hot:
oh my god, i really want to marry kevin barnes. or rollerskate with him or something. he's fabulous.
oh my god, i really want to marry kevin barnes. or rollerskate with him or something. he's fabulous.
Labels: hot people, hot videos, of montreal
¶ 11:33 AM
liz taylor is hot shit at 75!
does it really take 75 years to master the perfect birthday outfit? i hope not. i think this is where learning from the accomplishments of others would do me some good.
HAPPY 3/4 CENTURY LIZ!!! you're still hot and i heart your diamonds and your white diamonds perfume commercial!!!! you're so dynasty! and you're a true hot slut's hero!!! and i was jk about you not being able to eat cake! you totally should. but then you should probably puke it out!
checklist:
diamonds - check
red shoes - check
white satin - check
fur - check
hot wheelchair - check
this is seriously the best party outfit ever put together!
....ok, so im not really sure if liz taylor rolls through on a wheelchair like always now, cos i know she's had some problems with like leg pain or something, but i'm speaking on behalf of people that don't need wheelchairs: a wheelchair is a brilliant way to roll into your birfday!!!! i totally want one for mine!! like im totally lazy, and i love to get wasted, and if i had a wheelchair i can totally eliminate having to a)walk and b)...um, walk! walking is a serious impedement on both the lazy and the wasted, so...this is totally the best solution! and if it's not motorized you're totally not breaking any laws if you have someone push you home!!! sweet.
(im totally not trying to be insensitive to liz or people in wheelchairs. im an asshole though so i probably am being insensitive. if you are either liz taylor or someone who needs a wheelchair and are offended by my wanting a wheelchair to accomodate my vices, i sincerely apologize and would like to take you out for a drink. im still going to show up in a wheelchair though.)
ps- it was liz t's birfday on tuesday and i hope you all ate some cake for her. she shouldnt be eating any of that because she's fat. Just kidding!
HAPPY 3/4 CENTURY LIZ!!! you're still hot and i heart your diamonds and your white diamonds perfume commercial!!!! you're so dynasty! and you're a true hot slut's hero!!! and i was jk about you not being able to eat cake! you totally should. but then you should probably puke it out!
Labels: cake, diamonds, hot people, liz taylor, wheelchairs
¶ 10:59 AM
Thursday, March 01, 2007
GOOD NEWS!!!
temp agencies totally hate me so i won't be getting a job anytime soon!!! isn't that great? i guess even the business world knows im too hot for that shit. haha jk.
so i went to the agency and it was hot at first. they made me watch this AWESOME video where the dude who started the agency does this awesome intro where he talks about something boring. i dont know what he said because i was totally mesmerized by his look....he had a cool accent, a fake tan, and italian shoes.. oh and oil in his hair. like that wet shine crap or whatever. i totally used to use that crap in like 1993. i was hot when i was 13. i also wore t-shirts with bugs bunny wearing cross colors. no pictures of this exist. anymore. anyway, back to that hot accent dude....oh did i mention he was like 110 years old? yes. so rad. so while i was watching his mouth move i started thinking about how many tons of oil were sitting on that man's head and if it would start to ooze. it didn't happen and i was disappointed.
ok then, the video turned out to be about safety and they tell you like pretty much that you can't do anything at your temp job without written permission by the agency because they basically own your soul. that was hot, i was down with that. it's like having a pimp, which is totally desireable. so after thinking about how much hotter it would have been if the oily old man actually dressed up as a pimp on the video and kept it real, all these hot people came on the screen and did things that were jeopordizing their safety, ok jeopordizing the old oily dude's bank account because you are a liability. apparently being lazy is both safe and unsafe. for example, you can't pick stuff up like off the floor while you are still seated in your office chair (lame), but if the job asks you to do something not in the contract you have to tell those ho's HELL NO! thats rad.
they totally tell you that you can NOT under any circumstances drive your car to pick up lunch or coffee for any of those bitches, or answer phones, or change the soda in the soda dispenser (i swear that was in the video!hahahaha!), or do anything that makes you uncomfortable if those bitches didn't put it in the job description!
this, i thought, was awesome because it would be really easy to manipulate any situation. like seriously, you could totally work lazy to your advantage and be like "sorry...it didn't say being not lazy was part of the job! and it makes me really uncomfortable to not be lazy so i would appreciate it if you didn't ask me to not be lazy again"!! oh my god, that's a dream come true!!! i dont know what else went on because i started to scheme about how to get around having to do things and decided that this should apply in all areas of life....and then the video ended!
i told the chick that was assissting me, and then the dumb bitch tells me there's a fucking QUIZ!!!! she totally tricked me. i think i failed....and everything pretty much went downhill from there.
after the quiz, they made me go get my social sec.# verified because i look illegal. both my parents totally passed on that gene to me! just kidding! they made me do it because i didnt bring my card. so i did that at some soc.sec office downstairs and when i came back this like totally lame dude comes and tells me he'll be interviewing me and then he's totally an asshole and i decide i hate him and that i am going to give him really bad answers to piss him off!! it was awesome!!
at first, he asked me really lame questions that i had really hot answers to. but he didnt like my hot answers because HE wanted to be the one in a hot yellow dress holding a donna karan bag and wearing jessica simpson brand heels.
he then asked me what ive done since graduation and i told his ass i was traveling the world on my parents back account and he got even more mad and pretty much ended the interview there!! im not kidding!! he was such a hater drama queen!!!
so then he told me that while he would "let me know if any jobs that fit my interest pop up" it was unlikely there would be any work within the next two weeks and that i should check in with a different one of their agencies closer to my area! um, EWWW! seriously. so i told him that i would probably not end up needing a job because my parents will pay for me to do nothing for six weeks before i go to italy anyway but that i appreciated his time. im hot.
psh, who wouldn't want me? im totally responsible and respectable:
(so drunk)
hahahahha...i crack myself up!
temp agencies totally hate me so i won't be getting a job anytime soon!!! isn't that great? i guess even the business world knows im too hot for that shit. haha jk.
so i went to the agency and it was hot at first. they made me watch this AWESOME video where the dude who started the agency does this awesome intro where he talks about something boring. i dont know what he said because i was totally mesmerized by his look....he had a cool accent, a fake tan, and italian shoes.. oh and oil in his hair. like that wet shine crap or whatever. i totally used to use that crap in like 1993. i was hot when i was 13. i also wore t-shirts with bugs bunny wearing cross colors. no pictures of this exist. anymore. anyway, back to that hot accent dude....oh did i mention he was like 110 years old? yes. so rad. so while i was watching his mouth move i started thinking about how many tons of oil were sitting on that man's head and if it would start to ooze. it didn't happen and i was disappointed.
ok then, the video turned out to be about safety and they tell you like pretty much that you can't do anything at your temp job without written permission by the agency because they basically own your soul. that was hot, i was down with that. it's like having a pimp, which is totally desireable. so after thinking about how much hotter it would have been if the oily old man actually dressed up as a pimp on the video and kept it real, all these hot people came on the screen and did things that were jeopordizing their safety, ok jeopordizing the old oily dude's bank account because you are a liability. apparently being lazy is both safe and unsafe. for example, you can't pick stuff up like off the floor while you are still seated in your office chair (lame), but if the job asks you to do something not in the contract you have to tell those ho's HELL NO! thats rad.
they totally tell you that you can NOT under any circumstances drive your car to pick up lunch or coffee for any of those bitches, or answer phones, or change the soda in the soda dispenser (i swear that was in the video!hahahaha!), or do anything that makes you uncomfortable if those bitches didn't put it in the job description!
this, i thought, was awesome because it would be really easy to manipulate any situation. like seriously, you could totally work lazy to your advantage and be like "sorry...it didn't say being not lazy was part of the job! and it makes me really uncomfortable to not be lazy so i would appreciate it if you didn't ask me to not be lazy again"!! oh my god, that's a dream come true!!! i dont know what else went on because i started to scheme about how to get around having to do things and decided that this should apply in all areas of life....and then the video ended!
i told the chick that was assissting me, and then the dumb bitch tells me there's a fucking QUIZ!!!! she totally tricked me. i think i failed....and everything pretty much went downhill from there.
after the quiz, they made me go get my social sec.# verified because i look illegal. both my parents totally passed on that gene to me! just kidding! they made me do it because i didnt bring my card. so i did that at some soc.sec office downstairs and when i came back this like totally lame dude comes and tells me he'll be interviewing me and then he's totally an asshole and i decide i hate him and that i am going to give him really bad answers to piss him off!! it was awesome!!
at first, he asked me really lame questions that i had really hot answers to. but he didnt like my hot answers because HE wanted to be the one in a hot yellow dress holding a donna karan bag and wearing jessica simpson brand heels.
he then asked me what ive done since graduation and i told his ass i was traveling the world on my parents back account and he got even more mad and pretty much ended the interview there!! im not kidding!! he was such a hater drama queen!!!
so then he told me that while he would "let me know if any jobs that fit my interest pop up" it was unlikely there would be any work within the next two weeks and that i should check in with a different one of their agencies closer to my area! um, EWWW! seriously. so i told him that i would probably not end up needing a job because my parents will pay for me to do nothing for six weeks before i go to italy anyway but that i appreciated his time. im hot.
psh, who wouldn't want me? im totally responsible and respectable:
(so drunk)hahahahha...i crack myself up!
Labels: business people, i still want a job, i'm awesome, lame dudes, temp agencies are crap
¶ 11:16 AM
:Not KBIG. it's gone. R.I.P. Disco Workout Lunch Hour.
:Gossip Girl remains the hottest show on tv. Honorable Mention: America's Most Smartest Model!!!
:The Road by the dude who wrote Blood Meridien who's name has escaped me because that book scares me so i refuse to bring it into the bedroom with me.
:* 99cent Taco Tuesdays at El Torito followed by Dollar Scoops Tuesdays at Baskin Robbins. i only eat on tuesdays.