i hope you bitches had a hot xmas. mine was totally hot. i got a giant bag of mini kit kats, the nicole richie literary masterpiece: "the truth about diamonds", the vinyl version of "I'm A Man (Who Needs A Man)" by Holland's favorite disco queens, GAY MEN, and a bunch of like real presents. hope you bitches got everything you wanted!!!
hearts and kisses and gay disco songs and sausages,
jasi
ps: Ricky Martin is SO not gay! stop saying shit like that! he doesn't like it, especially when it's so obviously not true!!
¶ 2:23 PM
....you bitches probably have gohnorrea now. paris has that ability. you don't even have to be near her cooch!!! merry xxxmas whores!
ps- pam's xmas card is the hottest thing ever. i wish i thought of it myself....there is no way i could beat it, so you bitches will just have to settle for these assholes' xmas card....it's hot that there is no sign of xmas anywhere on this card!!! paris' dad is the biggest schmuck-face ever. i dont know if he is a for reals asshole, but his face totally is. ¶ 11:12 AM
check out this hot pinata i made one night. joan rivers is hard to hottify. even in pinata form.
i know that shit looks like joan's big plastic face is super imposed, but it isn't you dumb whores. a hot slut would never fake it. but i did print out that bitches face from a picture i googled and glued it on, which is exactly how her real face stays on her head anyways. i'm hot. merry day before xmas eve. i better be getting a fucking present from each and everyone of you whores tomorrow!!!! you bitches better come through or it's curtains! just kidding sluts. i'll give you till after new years...... ¶ 8:49 PM
(this came up when i googled 2pac!!!! this is so way better than real tupac)
omg sluts, today is the hottest day ever! Power 106 is playing nothing but 2pac and Biggy Smalls (2 of my most favorite rap sluts of all time) ALLLLLL DAAAAAAAAY! it is seriously so awesome!! and it totally never gets boring. Power 106 is hot. that's like the hottest idea ever. i have been stoked about it all day. you better be fucking listening to that ish right now.
here are some of my favorite biggy lyrics:
"Ain't that a slut (HELL YEA) she even take it in the butt"
"Biggie bag bitches from barbecues to barmitzvah's"
....and i really like the track "Ten Crack Commandments" but only cos of the title. that's hot.
there are way too many hot biggy lyrics to quote but those always make me laugh so hard i pee.
tupac was hot too but i like biggy because he was way more into telling sluts that they are stupid skanks; he was totally like my mentor or something. and he was really fat. ¶ 5:02 PM
but i am not too tired to talk about the awesomeness that is the L Ron Hubbard Winter Wonderland!!! oh my god that is the greatest thing to grace hollywood boulevard since the fat black dude that dresses up like Jason Vorhees!!! seriously whores, if you live in the Los Angeles area and are not lame, you will go to the L Ron Hubbard Winter Wonderland and relish in the winteryness, and holiday cheer it brings to all the homeless crazies and hot homeless hookers of our beloved boulevard!!!! it is so hot you guys. we wanted a picture with scientology santa but that bitch wasn't going to be available until 5pm and we had dates with cocktails for that time.....we got to H-town at about 10am so we were not about to wait for that bitch to show up.....we took our own hot scientology wonderland pictures which i will post up when Brian and Marissa give me their pictures....but until then:
(and no bitches, i know what you are thinking but that is not me, brian OR marissa in that hot pink mini skirt! that's a hot tourist mexican bitch that stalked us all the way to hollywood and highland!! she was hot!)
¶ 1:31 AM
YOU'VE BEEN HIT BY THE
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Truck full of Mexicans '""";.., ___.
_..._...______===== ___..., ]
"(@ )'(@ )""""*(@ )(@ )*****(@
Sorry they have no insurance
....ha, some bitches are so funny. ok anyways............
i have been freed putas!!!!!!! it kind of sucks because now i have nothing to make me miserable.....oh wait, totally not true....my mom is a bitch...right. ok nevermind.
BITCHES, i seriously need someone to like be me for the next 7 days. I will totally pay your ass. I will give you my car....i will give you charlie...i'll totally even throw my mom in!!!!
i just found out that i have another final due on Monday and it consists of 3 different 5 page essays. ok so what right? NO. listen....i also have another paper due Monday.....that also requires me to bullshit 15 pages worth of television nonsense....and then on top of that...i have an anthropology midterm to do on Tuesday, a Califronia Cultures Midterm which will require at least 3 blue books (in class essay, 20 short answer, two 7-10 paragraph essays) on tuesday, and a hollywood midterm (again, two 7-10 paragraph essays, and 10 short answer) also on tuesday...and i have to watch like 3 movies to prepare for that midterm!!!
Bitches, i am going to die. I still have class this week too. like normal class. and i have a presentation due tomorrow that i havent even started researching....well mostly cos i dont give a fuck cos it's for my last GE. BLAHAHHFSKLH.
someone please replace me.
ok im done complaining. seriously, if this gets in the way of my tyra tomorrow i can not be held responsible for any of my actions. i don't even know what im capable of if that were to happen...but i know it will be oogly! ¶ 4:47 PM
ashley is hot as a secretary/librarian. im not joking. bitch is smokin'.
mary kate is so adorable. here she is at Sunday's Laker game with her ex-David K.
18 DAYS BITCHES!!!!!!! ¶ 12:51 PM
nicole totally does not look hot, but her book totally does! this is on my xmas list bitches!! 
i better be unwrapping this shit come xmas day if you sluts know what's good for you! i think the book title is really hot!! and the picture of her from when she was six years old dressed as a ballerina!......oh wait, that's her now. dang, can money really make your body revert back to how it looked like when you were six???? someone seriously needs to start paying my ass for being a hot slut. that shit isn't fair!
hohan is so hot. i seriously love that bitch now. this is a picture of an entry that hohan made in Joe Francis' (Girls Gone Wild) guestbook at his home in Puerto Vallarta:
Joe: I love you, marry me? I know you love 18 yr olds. No, but seriously, thank you so much. Everything was amazing and you were a fuckin’ great host. I’ll be back to torture ya. Love always, Lindsay.
P.S. Wear a condom Joe & keep your tongue in your mouth. La La Loo.
i hate joe francis. he did my Tammy Mellon wrong and i will never forgive him. he totally has hohan's herpes now!!!!
La La Loo............
¶ 1:52 PM
Recent Ted Casablanca Blind Items....(they totally drive me crazy and i refuse to suffer in silence ANYMORE!!!!!!! who do you bitches think it is??)............
One Domestically Disturbed Blind Vice
"Everybody adores Madeline Max-It, 'cause girlfriend has the shit goin' on. Mads went from being a plain, mousy gal to a svelte superstudstress. Hit endeavors, a hottie partner and a family unit helped seal the deal for the curvy babe, whose detractors round Hollywood were simply seething over the fact that M.M.I. seems to have just a little too much of a good thing.
Well, those naysayers can relax.
Not only is Mad's spouse more partial to the types who, say, fill out pants a little better than does our Madeline (however, M. sports them as best as any femme does, must say), but more and more folks are getting hip to the extramarital fact that is Mads and her hunky costar Mike Mouthful.
Yep, you got it: Mads apparently doesn't mind so much when her hubby cheats with the fellahs, thanks to Mike's sizable offscreen shenanigans (on par with those onscreen, to be sure).
But Mads and Mikey sure better be more selective about where they tongue--and digit--wrestle. Too many parties are starting to serve them up, verbally speaking, before and after the raspberry-and-chocolate soufflé
.....and its not: Heather Locklear, Richie Sambora, Charlie Sheen, Denise Richards, Courteney Cox, David Arquette"
ok sluts.....i'm thinking Reese Witherspoon is Madeline....i don't know who Mike is, but possibly Joaquin Pheonix... or Sarah J Parker....but who would her costar be...oh...that guy in that new movie she made that looks like crap...the one where she meets some dudes family....hmm....who is gayer Matty Broderick or Ryan Philippe??? good god, ryan is a hot bitch. ok next.....
--------------------BLIND ITEM #2------------------------
"I'm so over my high school days that I don't even know where my friggin' yearbook is. Aren't you?Well, you me and Drew Barrymore are all prolly more adjusted than former teen heartthrob Jumbo Jackoff. Girls crushed on him. Guys secretly wanted to dress like him. And moms were like, eh, he's not exactly David Cassidy, but he's okay.
Now, we've heard tales of woebegone child stars. They get hooked on crack and rob convenience stores. They bloat up and show up on The Surreal Life. Oddly enuff, J.J. is not one of these types of dudes.
He's moved on. He's had plenty of success as a stern adult. Jackoff is, like, totally settled. He's got a nice family and a hefty, respectable workload--which is exactly why his chums don't understand why he's such a damn douche bag, as of late.
For ince, when jerky Jack meets people, and I mean equally famous folks, he tells them not to mention his teenyboppin' past--under no circumstances (or he'll smack somebody, no joke). He even got his number-two pencils in a bunch at a wedding and accused a perfectly nice couple of mocking him when they very obviously were not.
I think J.J. should dip into his royalties and get some therapy. 'Cause if Jackoff keeps up the nasty, one of these days, someone's gonna bash him over the head with a lunch tray in line at the studio commissary.Come to think of it, I think somebody already did
....and it ain't: Joe(y) Lawrence, Jason Priestly, Danny Bonaduce"
ok so at first i thought marky mark or johnny depp....but neither were exactly "child stars"....some say Mark Paul Gosselar (Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell)..there are a lot of references to school.....but i wouldnt cosider his adult career a success.....any of you bitches have any guesses?? ¶ 1:14 AM
ok first, that it was called "Have No Fear" was hot! mostly because that title is totally misleading..... i don't get why they would call this movie that because nothing in this movie would make me question my fear level. it's hot that the people behind the movie thought it should be called that though, i really like those bitches. i really want to see "Jesus" the movie now.
ok.....then, the pope had a weird accent. i don't know what polish people sound like, but i highly doubt they sounded anything like the pope actor. he was not hot in the accents department.
i did totally appreciated the cameo by the hot Salvadoran slut Oscar Romero who was like a hot archbishop dude who was assassinated. he was hot because the pope called his ass a Marxist and then oscar was all "whatever bitch, the church is totally the oppressor" and then the pope was all "hell no slut, don't even say that..." and then oscar felt bad and then kissed the pope's hand and the pope was all " i hope you stop being a sissy bitch.....just deal with it, fack.... now get out of my face already" so then oscar left and then like 2 seconds later in the next scene that bitch was assassinated. that part was hot.
ok so then....then i totally got bored......but then i came back and it was the end when the pope was dead and it was hot because they used like real footage of people at Vatican City.....which was weird but hot......and then at the very very end...there was an awesome montage of scenes of the actor pope from through out the movie......which was also weird.
ok the stupid movie sucked and i am still not getting into heaven......but my snowglobe remains awesome....so i'm cool with that. ¶ 3:15 AM
(pope snowglobe....you are totally jealous i own this arent you whores?)holy shit im so excited....the pope movie is about to start. no one call my ass or anything. already two of you have tried to tempt my ass to turn my back on PJP2!!! you whores are a bunch of wretched evil slut devils and will totally not go to slut heaven.
ok so before i forget here is some hot Laguna Beach gossip i stole from the Best Week Ever site who stole it from some other bitches....it's totally the hottest gossip ever, check this shit out (the following is a straight cut and paste from best week ever who cut and pasted it from somewhere else):
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Random story........from an unknown source."I went to lunch yesterday with my sister and her friend Miss K. Miss K. happens to work for Oprah. The other day, she was in the Harpo studios cafeteria getting breakfast, when lo and behold, there they were - Kristin, Jessica, Alex H. Alex M. and Taylor. Turns out they went to school with one of Harpo's marketing assistants and were there as her guests for the show. Miss K is a huge fan and was freaking out a bit (and she doesn't even freak out over celebrities!) and the marketing director said she would have the Laguna Beach girls stop by her office before they left." Source: Unknown
So, there they were, the LB girls and Miss K which gave Miss K a chance to ask some pressing questions........here is the scoop:
• Jessica is not very smart (duh!) nor very pretty in person. She is in community college and not doing a whole lot. Miss K. asked her if her parents were mortified by her behavior - she said they weren't exactly pleased. She just used Jeff (boy that was at end of season) didn't really like him, just wanted someone to make out with.
• Stephen and Jason are good friends and live together in LA, but Jason is always at L.C's. Turns out he and LC never broke up and are still dating.
• Also, turns out Jason has some MAJOR issues - the reason he didn't go to graduation.......he didn't graduate. He failed his senior year. Ditto for Talan.
• More on Jason - he has been in and out of rehab about 3 times in the past year. He is also bipolar and is on some major medication. His grandparents are the wealthy ones and his parents don't really work -just live off of the grandparents.
• More on Talan - his mom used to be some actress so is pretty well-connected in Hollywood. The engagement to Kimberly Stewart is just a publicity stunt - they aren't really engaged. His mom is trying to coach him on getting himself into the limelight.
• Stephen and Kristin are dating - they just got back from a vacation together in Hawaii - she's not really dating that Jenner guy - another publicity stunt. Kristin is trying to "make it" in Hollywood.
• Taylor is at school at the University of Arizona.• Alex H. and Alex M. are roommates. Alex M. is trying to make it in the music world and Alex H. dates a guy in Alex M.'s backup band.
• Another tidbit - Jason used to hit (ie, abuse) Alex M. when they dated. Per Alex M., the reason you didn't see that in the show is b/c MTV was trying to sell a fantasy. That is also why you don't see Alex M. and Jason actually break up.
• LC is supposedly the meanest person of the bunch - they say she is the least approachable.
• Another thing, is apparently MTV and BMW have some sort of deal, which is why you always see them driving around in BMWs - ie, Kristin's dad didn't really buy her the BMW - she got it from MTV.
---------------------------------------------
if you heart Laguna Beach you will know how hot all that information is!! if you don't, then you are seriously nowhere near hot because all hot bitches know that Laguna Beach is made of hotness and would have been a loyal watcher....and be on Kristin's side...that bitch is hot.
........the pope is on.....seriously, the actor pope is hot. ok gotta go, this shit has started.
¶ 8:00 PM
here is the recap: one bitch pushed my ass...hard, another bitch tried to race me to some hot shit (but i totally beat that bitch to it and then that slut had the nerve to hex my ass..and follow me around!!!! total crazy), and like 234 mom whores tried to run me down with their strollers...i think one bitch tried to throw her baby at me...but her baby was like huge so she couldnt throw him far.......oh and i swear i almost got kidnapped.... i am way not pleased.
on a happier note...........
this bitch was eliminated last night on ANTM:
even though i really hated Jayla it was hot that she gave that slut Bre a fucking Benadryl before their photo shoot!!! she gave it to Bre to help that bitch with her "migraines".....betrayal in disguise is way way totally hot. other than that though, this bitch was boring and was barely evil...like a 4 out of 10. way lame. this bitch had no bidness being in the Top 4 so im way glad she's out da house!
....and in even happier news.....
this will be on ABC tonight:
the actor pope is totally hot......
ok right so "Have No Fear: The Hot Life of Pope John Paul 2" airs on ABC tonight at 8pm. i don't know why this bitch's life is hot, but dude, the commercials are awesome because they have hot drama music that make you scared and excited. i totally love that. plus i am sick of being wasted on thursdays so i am way stoked to be spending my night with a hot religious dude. all you dirty, sinful, darksided sluts should be too.
oh shit so i just read about this movie on ABC.com and this movie will totally not disappoint in hotness!!! I like that the producers of this movie also produced a movie called Jesus. that is so hot!! i am making a movie called Jasmin. it will be hot too.
¶ 1:33 AM
:Not KBIG. it's gone. R.I.P. Disco Workout Lunch Hour.
:Gossip Girl remains the hottest show on tv. Honorable Mention: America's Most Smartest Model!!!
:The Road by the dude who wrote Blood Meridien who's name has escaped me because that book scares me so i refuse to bring it into the bedroom with me.
:* 99cent Taco Tuesdays at El Torito followed by Dollar Scoops Tuesdays at Baskin Robbins. i only eat on tuesdays.