ok bitches, i hope you all had a fun halloween weekend and have a hot slut nite of stuffing delicious candy in your faces tonite. me and my sluts are heading over to the weho parade so if any of you bitches are there and want to take a hot picture with me, look for the slut wearing a Hello Kitty Cowgirl costume from the kids section of Target. im not joking. it's hot. i will be posting pictures.

also, i have to give mad props to both Pam and Tony Mora for having the hottest costumes ever. you bitches are super hot!!  ¶ 7:31 PM

  HAPPY HALLOWEEN SLUTS!!!!!!!! TRICK OR SKEEZ, you dumb sluts........

i hope all you bitches have a hot halloween! here is your whore candy, skanks:




































these pictures totally make my halloween!!! they terrify my ass!!!  ¶ 12:12 PM

  say something!!!! Girl #1: He's coming into town to visit me this weekend...but he says he doesn't wanna leave the house except to go eat sushi.
Girl #2: Ew, sushi.
Girl #1: I know, right? He expects me to eat that shit? I'm not a fucking polar bear.


-----------------------------------------------
College girl #1: What do you think is the saddest emotion or feeling?
College girl #2: I'm not sure, maybe fear.
College girl #1: Yeah, that's a good one. Ya know, if we lived in Ethiopia you would have said hunger


----------------------------------------------
Guy: Yo, that Hamburgler's a scary motherfucker, 'cause you never know what that nigga be sayin'. He be all "robble robble robble robble" and shit!
-----------------------------
overheardinnewyork.com  ¶ 11:56 PM

  gallery of perfection i don't have time to hot slut history lecture you bitches this week, so instead i compiled this mini-gallery of perfection. Richie is hot because her heroine rehab came in the form of the Simple Life and 40 extra lbs.. that's hot. she also used to be bff with Paris but those bitches hate each other now....me thinks this is because Nicole was a hot scene stealer on the Simple Life and because this bitch stopped being fat. Paris is such a witch. Nicole is better off without that skank. Nicole is engaged to DJ AM who also used to be a fat mess but Gastric Bypassed that shit and is now skinny, but still not hot. I love nicole because this bitch is funny, is a bitch, doesnt give a fuck, and wants elephants at her wedding. she and i are visionary soul sluts and one day i will meet this bitch and she will show me the way to perfection.....(which i think will be ExLax, but you never know with these sluts, i dont think it's Anorexia because MK has that market.....)

HOT SLUT DISCLAIMER: i totally do not endorse or condone the use of ExLax or Puking as a means to reach perfection for normal sluts.....so if you bitches start living IN or ON a toilet.... don't come after my ass. law suits are hot but expensive and i totally need new furniture so i can't afford that shit right now. besides that shit only works for a few years and it totally fucks you up crazy.....these bitches will either die or blow up soon.....holy shit, i can't wait!

  ¶ 11:01 AM

  starbucks god fucking damnit whores, post midterm life is so fucking boring. i am actually excited about my 2nd set of midterms. what in the gd is wrong with me. ok so last nite i had coffee with la D for like 5 hours and in those 5 hours we saw 6 creepy men, 3 creepy ladies, and a scene couple. i love starbucks. of the 6 creepy men, 3 talked to us about random crap. One was over 60 years old and one was totally a starbucks groupy (he was way looking to take someone home, it was not hot). the 3 creepy ladies were hot. one was a way crazy homeless bitch who was hitting on the coffee dude (and he was not having it), one was a reformed chola, and one was wearing a leotard.

i think it's hot that both the brea and fullerton starbucks are crazy central. at the fullerton one nearest to my school, there is a beyond nuts old dude that dresses in camouflage and has a broken laptop that he sets up and pretends to use. but then he'll like go outside and take up an entire table inside and outside and if you sit next to his table he comes in and gets all seargant slaughter on you. like not even joking. he talks all wrestling style. once La D moved his shit and he tried to beat that bitch down. but La D is a giant bohemeth and she stood up to his ass. it was super hot. we became heros. (YES WE....shut up bitches, la D is like 6 feet tall and im only 5'1....so there wasn't much i could do, but everyone loves me at that place so im a hero for recruiting bitches like La D to my close circle of sluts!) plus i started clapping when la D stepped it up and everyone thought that was hot.

i love north orange county.  ¶ 11:30 AM

  HOT SLUT HISTORY LESSON: HELLO KITTY ok bitches, so the arrival of my camera has me totally inspired and really there is no need to explain why hello kitty is a hot slut. so i searched google to get some backstory on this bitch and i found this slut on google that has some site on hk's history.....dang, apparently hello kitty didn't even have a name at the beginning. she was just some slut sitting down with a red bow. that's fucking awesome.

oh man, the bitch that put together the History of Hello Kitty on her site is rad. she has a picture by picture account of her whole life. i wish i could do the same thing but this blogger crap sucks for pictures. so i will just take some of the more choice pictures and elaborate on why HK is a hot fucking slut.





1974: holy crap, look at this slut. she looks fucking retarded. according to the bitch who i stole these pictures from, hello kitty instantly won the love and respect of the Japanese. ok , what? i doubt those sluts respect some cat whore who just sits around. or maybe they did. those bitches do love paris hilton. damn, what in the gd is wrong with those sluts? oh well......



1975: ok so this is the year this bitch got her name. yeah i don't know about that. i think this history whore is full of crap but whatever, i'll go with it. anyways, she doesn't mention why they named this bitch hello kitty but you know how the Japanese like to make shit up that doesnt make any gd sense. it's hot. if i could get away with that shit i would too. this is also the year we got to know hello kitty's hot fams. her sister is fucking hot. so is her dad. i bet he sold hello kitty so that he could buy his family that hot couch. holy shit, he's the cat Joe Simpson.


1976: this is the year hello slutface got bought by sanrio. damn that's so hot. i wish some hot corporation would buy me for having a big face and wearing a fucking bow. some girls just have all the luck. oh yeah,also,everyone got sick of that bitch sitting on her gd fucking ass so they finally stood her ass up for the 1st time! that's hot! i knew those japanese bitches wouldn't put up with that shit for very long. who does this bitch think she is?fucking tara reid.i don't think so whore!




1978: ok so by this point this bitch is super famous for being a slut and sitting on shit. i chose this picture because it's hot that they decided to put her ass on a dolphin!!! look at the fucking picture whores! it's fucking priceless. i would make the exact same face if i was riding a fucking hot dolphin like this!





1979: this is the year they intro'd this bitches grandparents. i just like this one cos i love old people. they are hardcore evil. i'm not sure which one is the bitch and which one is the dude but they look hot. and you know they made hello kitty stand in the back! that's totally something my hot grandma has done. the minute that bitch sees a camera she pushes me to the back!! she's hot. i hope i'm her when i'm an old bitch.







1984: fucking shit, this is the scariest hello kitty picture i've ever seen. according to that whore i'm stealing this info from, "this was to make hello kitty more realistic and made her closer to us. This process was a huge success at the end". wait what? no fucking way. that is LIES!!! this shit would scare the bejesus out of me. i was 4 in 1984 and if i saw this shit at age 4 i would forever ban this bitch from my presence. actually i prolly did that's why i dont remember this. it's hot that this bitch is eating ice cream though! stuff your face ho, go on! work it out girl, i aint hatin'!



1986: this is hello bitches passport photo. enough said.








1992: this picture is hot because according to the hello kitty history whore this was supposed to "give the fans a heartwarming feel". hahaha. all this does is make me think this bitch was broke and had to resort to selling fruit choonty style. that's hot bitch, we all have our ups and downs. oh shit, i guess it is heart warming to watch this bitch sell me fruit. slut, bring me an orange! pronto!



ok so everything after this is pretty fucking boring. what the history slut failed to mention was all the hot merchandise that has emerged since hello kitty's debut in 1974. my favoites are totally the hello bitchface wafflemaker and of course the hello slutface dildo. i don't own either but their existence alone is enough to make my love for this fucking whore of a cat eternal. hello kitty you are truly god's gift to the world!!!  ¶ 3:31 PM

  Surveys Kill Your Fridays 1} Last thing you burned while attempting to cook?

my boyfriends heroine. i heart you pete (doherty)...the hottest man on the planet....oh my god it wouldbe so hot if i was kate moss, i mean aside from the obvious reasons, it would be hot because that would be a viable answer for her! damn you Kate Moss!!! you totally have it all!


2} Describe yourself in three "s" words:

semi-domesticated sacchariferous serpentine.

translated: i am an evil bitch capable of sweetness than can make a mean pumkin pie from scratch.


3} How long does it take you to get ready for your day?

i'm never ready for my days


4} Favorite place to blow $50?

hookers


5} What does your life lack?

nothing now that i have the power of hello kitty


6} What is something that turns you off from the opposite sex?

any man that doesn't answer to a snack name is no man for me


7} What kind of car do you drive?

i refuse to be ashamed of my parents love for me...i drive a mercedes....it's hot and i love it.


8} What's in your CD player/ipod right now?

cd player: pavement, patsy cline, kylie minogue

ipod: 10,080 songs so far


9} What celebrity would you have coffee with?

the diseased olsen so we can hold each others hair when we throw our coffee up. i'm a sucker for romance.


10} What celebrity would you NOT have coffee with?

i would never deny a celebrity coffee with me


11} What kind of toothpaste do you use?

something minty and matte; shiny/sparkly toothpaste is really offputting.


12} What time do you go to bed?

about 4am

13} Last movie you saw?

double indemnity - this movie is hot shit

14} Last TV show you watched?

yesterday's Oprah which sucked ASS


15} Who is your best friend?

the tabloids


16} Who in your family do you best get along with?

sundae


17} Who do you have a crush on?

the socialist millionaires club and its members....second runner up: veronica mars


18} What time is it right now?

1:42 pm


19} Are you planning a vacation/travel?

YES, i just need someone to fund that shit. i totally take hot donations too. shit wait, no......send me a picture of your ass and i will tell you your hot future and i will send you back your reading and a picture of your ass with some hot hello kitty action on that shit!!!! you know you want one!


20} When/Where was the last time you traveled?

hmm....like serious travel: i think 2 or 3 years ago.


22} How old will you be in 10 years?

mildly old


23} Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

managing a mini empire.....at the very least.


24} Sinful snacking weakness?

tiny japanese pancakes with green tea ice cream. mmm. and donut holes.


25} Rollercoasters?

are fun, but slightly overrated.


26} Ever run out of gas?

yes, and once it was on a day that i ditched school (high school) and i couldnt call anyone because everyone was in school and i couldnt call my parents. this awesome choonty pulled over and helped my catholic school girl ass. it was hot shit. that uniform totally got me out of so much trouble.....


27} Ever been on a train?

yes! favorite train ride:
me and b from Cusco to Machu Pichuu. we totally almost missed our train back to Cusco and would have been subjected to the wrath of our travelling satan....our friend nicole!! thank god that bitch was too sick to go on the train. (story on nicole: she's a friend of mine and B's who turns into a psycho on vacay...that bitch had us on hardcore lockdown/house arrest and wouldn't let us eat anything!! we always had to sneak out to have fun. it was peruvian bootcamp at its worst..it was hot though!)


28} Ever been on a blind date?

no, never. but they look hot on tv.


29} Ever been to Europe?

yes


30} What would you do if you could be the opposite sex for one day?

get a job


31} Would you tell anyone it was really you?

uh, no cos then i wouldnt get the job, stupid whore. glass ceiling skank!!!!


32} Ever been arrested?

hm...no, surprisingly.


33} Have a crush on anyone you work with?

i don't actually work. well, i guess charles because that bitch is attatched to me. i have a crush on my books. books are hot shit.


34} What is something you believe in:

reality tv. it is totally the lord and savior come back to take us all to heaven.


35} What is something you fear?

bees. that's about it these days.


36} Big or small?

big accessories/ small food (ie mini pancakes, mini burgers, mini donuts, mini sandwiches, mini ice cream)

37} What is the worst physical or emotional pain you have felt?

being told i can't do something


38} What is your favorite television show?

America's Next Top Model! but this season is pretty fucking boring. other noteworthy shows: Veronica Mars (the script is fucking awesome!), the Tyra Banks Show, Taradise, AbFab, and all the mandatory shit (arrested dev, curb, bwe)


39} Ever photoshopped yourself to look better in a picture?

if by looking better you mean cutting ugly people out of the picture, then yes.


40} Tell us something about your childhood.

i was the boss


41} What would it cost for you to flash the person next to you?

enough alcohol that i'd do it for free


42} Best time to catch you in a good mood?

who cares. how boring.


43} If you could be anything for one day, what would it be?

the reincarnation of pt barnum


44} Most prized possesion?

my virginity


45} Would you ever sell it?

ok


46} What is one of your pet peeves?

friendships


47} Favorite kind of ice cream?

gelato - any flavor


48} Coolest thing that happened today:

the birth of the 'hello kitty camera/jasmin' relationship, tacos, sleeping in

Labels: survey

  ¶ 12:40 PM

  the hello kitty camera has arrived















ok so the hello kitty camera......is fucking hot! oh my god it's so small and crappy!!! i love it. the picture quality is crap, especially if you set it to Low Res. It's hot though because it makes everyone look like a blurry mess, which is way hotter than how people look anyways. so i loves it. the best thing about the camera is the hot Software that came with it. it totally transports your ass into a hello kitty wonderland of flowers and rainbows and other gay shit. at the top is a hot picture i took of charles in his favorite state: post arm rape attempt. that bitch is so mean to hello kitty!

yeah so you can also put borders on that shit but only when you want to print. i would show you bitches but im too lazy to hit the print screen button and crop that crap....but use your slutmagination whores! it's fucking hello kitty so you know that border shit is more over the top crap of that slut being a kitty whore!!! oh man this bitch is so fucking amazing!!!! you bitches don't know what kind of power this grants me.....i would be scared if i were you, bitches!  ¶ 11:58 AM

  Jasmin=1 Midterms=0 ok so this has been the best week for sure!! so, i totally kicked MIDTERMS ass!! 4 A's, 1B BOOYAH!! seriously bitches, i thought midterms were going to be the end of me so i am beyond stoked that they could not penetrate the formidable fortress that is my brain. yeah ok, i didn't buy that either, but i guess my professor bitches did!!! this is why i A) love college (because prof bitches are so easy to fool) and B) why i love my major (because it's super easy to bullshit your way through it without ever actually retaining any information or doing real work)!!! so i've been celebrating my awesome grades in the best way possible: getting food crunk every night this week.

tonite Le B and i had shabu shabu in fullerton and it was so very delicious. it was awesome because no one spoke english!! it was hot because that's sort of rare in fullerton. also we saw an army of old people we assumed were the british clan of senior citizens in fullerton going to the hot old people pub on Harbor Blvd. It was hot!! i love old people.....most of the time they are vicious evil whores and it makes me happy.

oh shit that reminds me, i totally love this starbucks near my school because it is so full of crazies! it's way entertaining. after dinner, B and i headed over there to talk shit and what not, and we saw this hot 70 year old couple on a blind date! it was SOOO awesome. we heard theyre entire first encounter, it was way hot because you could tell the old man was super horny. then there was this crazy bitch sitting behind us outside and she was talking super loud on her cell phone about pedophiles and dongs and dildos and about her sisters' boyfriends 10 inch penis. it was so scandelously awesome. She was way crazy. actually she might have been a man. it's hard to tell these days. so yeah, all in all i give tonite an 8 out of 10. it would have been a 10 if the crazy bitch and the horny old man were on a date because i probably would have gotten a free live porn show and i can't think of a better way to end a nite.

ps - the colts did win - it was a total upset victory!! it was such a hot game!  ¶ 11:57 PM

  my football post
ok im sorry but i can't fucking stand USC football. it's gay. USC is gay and i don't give a fuck about the Trojans. i know some of my nearest and dearest graduated from USC and are all about that shit, but seriously...most of you bitches don't even understand football so you can suck it. :) i still loves you though. [Same goes for the Bruins (UCLA) but i like those bitches and their fans more than USC skanks. ]

ok so don't get all mad at my ass, im just sayin....i mean if one of you whores reading this is a hardcore trojan fan because you heart football i am sorry half your stadium is filled with skanks and ho's that don't know a quaterback from a running back or what "1st and 10" means. you bitches should set some standards and make those dumb whores pass some kind of football test before they can buy tickets!!!!! THAT WOULD BE HOT! damn, i am a genius.

anyways, i havent been able to catch many games this season because of escuela and other obligations but i did catch some of the Purdue v Northwestern game and it reminded me why i love football games! that game was scandelous!!!! I way wish Purdue would have won. Wildcats are lame. tonites game (NFL: st louis v indianapolis) is already starting out awesome. i predict the colts will win because those bitches look hot in dark blue!!

i wonder if any of you sluts watch football.... i heart football. it's my fave man sport. it's way exciting and hot. basketball is sort of hot but not as hot as football. hm, hockey is kinda hot too. omg bitches, i used to be so obsessed with hockey. hockey dudes are hot. but yeah, football is my forever hot sport. the superbowl is ALMOST my favorite American holiday too. it's hot shit!!! they should totally let you take monday off for that shit.  ¶ 6:04 PM

  BENEFIT ART SHOW FOR HOT SLUTS
oh also sluts.......i had been so consumed with midterms and fighting off ghosts that i forgot to mention this super hot event that's coming up......check out http://cajununation.blogspot.com/ for information. My super hot bitch of a friend Tony is organizing this off da hook Art Show with proceeds going to Hurricane Katrina victims. You bitches better check it out and be there. As your lead slut i expect to see you whores there with money in one hand and Tara Reid in the other....ALL OF YOU! you bitches better not let me down. you know what happens when you let me down. I WILL GET IKE TURNER ON YOUR ASS AND BEAT YOUR SHIT UP HARD AND MAKE YOU EAT THE CAKE AND CALL YOU A DUMB WHORE BUT THEN ASK YOU TO FORGIVE ME AND TAKE MY ASS BACK BECAUSE I REALLY DO LOVE YOU, BABY...... or make you watch a Tyra Banks marathon.  ¶ 11:28 AM

  i am so psychic bitches. last nite "What's Love Got To Do With It" was on cable and i happened to catch that shit JUST as the diner scene was starting (and right as Ike shoved the cake in tina's hot face)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was hot. i was way stoked.

ok so i found out i aced my anthro midterm, WHAT WHAT!!! i probably failed all my upper division but whatever, there's always finals to make that shit up. I am all about being a total mess from week 1-8 and then bringing up my game from week 8-16. Professor bitches totally love that. ok bitches i have to go read some crap book about some dude who gets no love because white America hates him. lame.  ¶ 11:20 AM

  midterm liberation = survey time what is your favorite girlscout cookie?

hell no. i refuse to patronize those little sluts.


do you prefer small town life or big city life?

i hate los angeles


the cure's boys don't cry or just like heaven?

just like heaven


violent femmes or sex pistols?


no. the libertines....well really just pete doherty


reeses peanut butter cups or pieces?

neither


morning sex or drunk sex?

no sex. drunk in the morning! oh my god that's so trash. it's hot.


where were you born?

west la


pirates or zombies?

vikings because of what they would do to their balls. pirates and zombies don't even compare.


hardcore or emo?

im too old for this question


dodge ball or red light greenlight?

red light greenlight is the most boring peice of shit activity ever!!!!


did you get spanked when you were a kid?

yeah it was hot


do you get spanked now (sexually)?
no sexy time for you, survey.


where do you hope to be in 5 years?

i don't know. having a job that im over qualified for but getting paid mad cash to do it. i don't believe in working hard.


do you believe in love?

totally. love is hot because it always leads to hate...which is hotter


do you believe in witchcraft?

uh...no.


share a holiday memory: i only like holidays memories as told by kelly because they always include stories about her awesome grandma, who practically lives in a musical


if you could be a virgin again would you?

this question is weird. i'm going to say yes because being a virgin is hot shit. but i'm also going to say no because no one is really a virgin. everyone is a fucking slut and they know it.....which is way hot.


would you ever consider being open sexually to someone of the same sex?

hm, no. girls are boring.


do you sleep with a teddy bear, blankie, or in your girlfriends clothes?

i sleep with a charlie


do you believe long distance relationships would work?

they are the only kind that do.


have you ever dated someone off of myspace/ friendster?

no


would you sleep with someone on the first date?

i'm a virgin


how do you like your grilled cheese sandwiches?

on a stick


what do you listen to when your heart is broken?

ew, myself telling me to get out of my own face. i don't have time to listen to shit when i have a broken heart. broken hearts = party time.


do you believe trust is earned?

no. it's totally seduced out of you.


what do you mix your vodka with?

my tongue


what was your favorite saturday morning cartoon?

the punky bewster one because of that magical thing that was more creepy than cute.


did you ever watch kids incorporated?

yes


what is your favorite john hughes film?

sixteen candles


what did you think of house of 1000 corpses by rob zombie?

never saw it. horror is poo.


what do you do for work?

wake up in time to go to class

go to class

play with charlie and sundae

gossip with my mom about television

make my dad make me dinner


what is your dream job?

i like the job i have now


who is your favorite peanuts gang character?

franklin is the cutest and schroeder is fucking hot.


broken hearts or a broken arm?

whatever, i can handle either.


clubs or bars?

happy hour business men style


how do you view yourself?

i'm overtly scandelous and prone to bouts of excessive hedonistic behavior. i need to be slapped.


do you have a crush?

sunny come back to me

who were you in high school?

what the fuck? i was jasmin.


do you believe in astrology?

ok so i totally believe in astrology. i don't do anything until i have read every astrological prediction for the month from every magazine. that shit is always right on. like a few months ago, it told me that kelly was going to turn into dee snider and was going to stand up to the man. it came true. mine told me i needed to kick people out of my life, also true........ i think this might be a social disease, just like brian and his "no whisper" disease.


do you believe in angels?

haha this question is so gay.


do you believe in ghosts?

duh, yeah. porn ghost haunts me at school and jesus ghost haunts me at home.


don't lie: do you like bon jovi's album - slippery when wet?

i havent heard it. besides i wouldnt lie about liking that shit. i like far more embarassing crap.


what is your biggest "issue?"

the telephone. i fucking hate it.  ¶ 1:30 PM

  ok so it is confirmed, my mother is a bitch ass ho.

GODDAMNIT, so much for sleeping in till 6pm. that ho woke my ass up at 11:30 to #1 Let Charlie run around my room and try to jump on my face and #2 To tell me about her new item on the the menu at the restaurant. I DON'T FUCKING CARE. damn her. i don't wake her ass up when she sleeps in because she was blowing what could have been a paid vacation for ME at the Pechanga Casino. UGH. That bitch is so selfish....i'm glad i'm not a selfish whore. :) ok whatever, so i'm just like that slut but whatever. Im still more right than that bitch will ever be.

ok so im so lost today. i was so used to living in the library im having a hard time readjusting to civilized society. i hope tyra will save me.


PS. here are picture of me before midterms and during midterms:



here's a picture of my ass today. i told you bitches i haven't been able to readjust. this is why the system is flawed. i need rehabilitation or some shit. GOOD GOD that ice cream looks delicious.  ¶ 12:47 PM

  my sunny saga, my conjugal visit, and my mom is a bitch (not really, but sort of, ok wait yeah she is) WHORES! i made it out alive!!!!!!!!!!! no more long days and nites at the library!! i will miss your ass PORNO GHOST!!!!! oh my god, bitches.....i think i made my adult reentry international student friend Sunny mad the other day. Some bitch stole my seat in my class so i sat in what is usually Sunny's seat because i was too lazy to walk all the way across the room to the other empty seat! ew, that bitch that stole my seat isn't even in our class and our class is major time full.......and now i lost my best friend sunny because of that bitch. Sunny came in and saw my ass in her seat and i think she was way sad that i would betray her ass. Oh well, that bitch needs to learn i have no feelings! whatever, we don't even talk. i just like her cos she wears lycra and windbreakers and versace jeans that go up to her boobs. bitch is hot. anyways, i am going into hardcore hibernation tonite (well after America's Next Top Model and Veronica Mars) but then im going to pass the fuck out and hopefully i won't wake up until tomorrow nite when i have to get ready for my date with the gays. i miss those bitches cos im always hanging out with porn ghost but i decided to allow myself a conjugal visit in the form of alcohol and spend my time with alcy among le fags. i still have one more Midterm and 3 more papers due by the end of the week but i got that shit in the bag so i aint worried, shooooot.

oh yeah and ew, my bitch ass mama isn't going on vacay anymore!! what a whore! now im getting no vacation. I was way happy with the idea of not leaving but at least having a vacay from her ass. now im screwed.

ps- what the hell! this shit won't let my ass upload a picture!! goddamnit, i bet this is the work of Sunny. it's always the quiet ones.  ¶ 5:39 PM

  monday i think porno ghost is hitting on me. This is the 5th day since last monday that i have lived in the library. good god, i fear for the day i am released from midterm prison. anyways bitches, i am super sad today because it is the last day for new episodes of My Super Sweet Sixteen on MTV. What the heck!!!! that show should be on all day every day forever. i will miss the fat girl with fattitude. i will miss the midget looking adopted bitch who is my name twin. i will miss all the white trash with too much money. i will really miss the choonty slut that's all "eets my fifteens, JUSS DO IT" and i'll miss her mom that goes "i dunt like da hairs, da hairs has to be redone". It's totally my mom. and i will miss bjorn, the gayest gayest sixteen year old in super sweet sixteen history. that bitch ruled because he had a blazer made for him that had his name in giant sequinned letters!!!!!!!!!!! ok who does that? actually, if you go to Macy's you can buy something like that with "G-UNIT" on the back. i am not kidding. it's like 120$ and it's in the ladies section.

things to look forward to:

Joan Rivers, shit or was it Joan Collins, well one of those ho's will be on Martha tomorrow. Either way it will be radical.

The Roman Polanski version of Oliver Twist which B and i are dying to see so hopefully that will be my midterm release party.

My new overpriced probably piece of crap hello kitty digital cam that is sitting in a box in some post office as we speak waiting to be shipped to my doorstep.

My mom going on vacation. that bitch needs to get out of my face.

Things to detest:

MIDTERMS

LIBRARY

PORNO GHOST

MIDTERM GRADES (they will suck, i know it)

MY MOM GOING ON VACATION WITHOUT ME (ok so she needs to either get out of my face or buy me a vacation goddamnit)  ¶ 8:01 PM

  ok so i totally cant stand george clooney but goddamnit his new movie looks kind of hot. what is wrong with me. i am really starting to question my sanity. ok, also, the new movie about Truman Capote is out and i am guessing that movie will be hot shit. i love that slut dearly because he was a full of shit diva and wrote Breakfast at Tiffany's. That book is hot. so is the movie. actually most of his books are hot....In Cold Blood is awesome. anyways, i really want to see that shit and im going to make a gay come with me. i think someone needs to make a movie about Cecil Beaton. I think that bitch was way underrated. I dont think that bitch ever wrote a novel but his diary is hot shit and is full of awesome celebrity gossip. i'll do a hot slut history on that bitch sometime soon because that bitch was who i'd want to be if i was a gay man in the 1960's -1980's.

in other news: the world will end when katie holmes has her alien child.

Happy Friday WHORES.

ps - do NOT watch the movie History of Violence. Though Viggo Moretenson is a hot slut in the movie and shows his hot sweet middle aged ass, the movie is boring as fuck and is way creepily quiet. there is one hot vag and titty shot though. it's that old bitch that plays viggo's wife and it's the only part that held the interest of the frat dude friends i have. It had no effect on B because the movie was so quiet it parched his ass. then again , B suffers from the inability to whisper. i think that's a social disease.  ¶ 11:31 AM

  Hot Slut History Lesson (double header, kinda sorta)

ok bitches, so i missed posting last weeks hot slut history lesson so this week i am doing a double header....well sort of.

so yeah sluts.....i was thinking the other day and i realized i totally live with some crazy ass bitches. so my dog charlie murphy (named after eddie murphy's brother.....a name my dog has fully embodied in mind and spirit, i swear to you my dog is a mess because of his name) is the biggest asshole. he is totally the biggest pain in the ass dog i've ever known, but i love that bitch dearly.

so then i started thinking about that bitches relationship with my other dog Sundae and i realized something.....So these two bitches (sundae and charlie) hate each other but they know they must try to live together in harmony in order to live the good life. it's way hot to watch those bitches try to take over the house and win our affections while being at odds with each other and trying to tear each other up. Anyways, it got me thinking about one of my favorite couples in history: Ike and Tina Turner and then....i totally realized my dogs are definitely the Ike and Tina of the canine world. for realz.

Charlie Murphy is a 1 and a half year old white maltese. Ever since that little slut came into our home he has done everything in his power to terrorize my family and our house (duh just like ike!). He is a hot bitch for that. If some dumb sluts bought my ass and brought me to their home so i could be their toy i'd make those bitches pay too.

Anyways, charlie is hot because he lives his life being a little asshole, barking at shit for no reason, sitting and walking on your face while you are lying down, crapping, stealing people's food, raping my arm, eating toilet paper, and basically ruining all the hot material posessions i totally love. Fuck, he's such an asshole.

He also incessently taunts and totally annoys our in-house diva, Sundae (tina) and that bitch does not like that shit!! Sundae is my 10 year old mixed breed hot slut of a dog and that bitch does not mess around. she's my favorite dog ever. She hates charlie with a passion but tries super hard to not let it show too much because she knows if she doesn't she won't sell a million records and live like a queen. she's totally exactly like tina. Sundae doesnt take anyones shit and when charlie tries to smack her down and make her eat the cake, that bitch throws the cake back in Ike's..i mean charlies... face.

ok so i truly believe my two baby bitches are Ike and Tina because they totally have the same realtionship. If you sluts have never watched "What's Love Got To Do With It", aka the Ike and Tina Movie, then you are hardcore missing out on some awesome domestic violence action. That movie is hot shit because it's fucking nuts.

Not that i endorse domestic violence but when it's Lawrence Fishbourne playing the part of Ike Turner....that shit makes you laugh so hard you totally pee your pants! ANYWAYS, my favorite part of the Ike and Tina movie is when Ike is at some diner and Tina comes in and he tries to make his bitch Tina eat some fucking cake!!!!! it's rad. He's like "Eat the fucking cake" and she's like no i dont want any cake, and he's like "EAT THE CAKE" and tina aka anna mae is like NO I DONT WANT ANY IKE and then ike is all mad and is like don't make my ass mad and then that bitch (ike) takes some cake and fucking shoves it in tina's face!!!!! LIKE REALLY HARD!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT'S SO RAD!!!! it rules bitches!

holy shit sluts, you need to see that movie. other awesome parts are..... well, everytime Ike beats the shit out of tina...which is like every time Ike is on the screen!! oh man that movie is way hot. The part where Tina turns buddhist, however, is super lame so you can turn the dvd off after she leaves Ike's crazy out of control ass.

so yeah sundae and charlie are totally just like that and it's hot. Charlie will try to make Sundae do shit, like chase him around or smell his butt or eat a bug or something and Sundae will be like fuck you Charlie and try to leave but then charlie won't let her and he'll jump in front of her or on her and then those bitches will get in a huge fight and beat each other up!!! it's hot sluts and i feel so privliged to have Ike and Tina in my home!!! yeah. i told you bitches midterms would be the end of me.

  ¶ 1:02 PM

  a bff told me that this would be the gossip of my life ...and that bitch was right. ok, so, if you really really know me, you know that i love the sigfried and roy. not because i believe in their gay magic but because those bitches are hot and have the hottest postcards ever made in the history of vegas postcards!!! my favorite is the one of those bitches with the american flag!!!! HOT. and that was pre-911 ho's!! those sluts are so ahead of their time. anyways, yeah sigfried and roy are hot vegas sluts and i love those ho's. so over this weekend said bff went to a hot party where she met the daughter of the body guard for S&R and that slut told the bff that the real Roy Horn died like years ago from le aids and that the current Roy is not Roy but Roy's nephew who has undergone tons of plastic surgery to look like Uncly Roy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is hotter than Who Killed JFK!!


hahaha so awesome!!!! ok so i totally love fake roy horn. that's hot. i wonder if fake Roy was not gay but had to turn gay for the benjamins. maybe it was part of the real Roy's will. i want to do that in my will. like i will only give my future nephew money if he promises to dress up like liberace for the rest of his life!!!....ok, i should not be allowed to have power ever. in other news sluts: oh my god embarassing...i kind of want to see that new Cameron DIaz movie with Muriel from Muriels wedding. however, i totally wish Kirsten Dunst would stop making movies. i hate that whore on the big screen. i can't stand her face.



ok hobags, pray that i convince my professor that im not an idiot on my midterm tonight. have a great tuesday sluts.  ¶ 10:46 AM

  a letter from the depths of the scariest place on earth hello my dear sweet bitches,

I am writing to you from midterm hell. It's pretty shitty down here and I can't wait to come back to normal slut-civilization. Yeah, im in the shitty library. It sucks. Everyone is being all frantic and people are mad at me because i won't leave the computer. fuck those ho's. they can go to the basement (where the porn was filmed and where some dude shot some other dude and now the ghost of the porn maker lives there) which is now our computer lab. these bitches waiting to use this computer can suck it and hang out with porno ghost. Ok i probably make no sense but today i don't care. I hate midterm hell. it is gross and it smells and it wears ugg boots in 90 degree weather and has over processed blonde hair and an abercrombie t-shirt. holy shit sluts, everyone in the library is scary. oh my god bitches, am i turning scary? let me check.....ok no, i am still the only normal person on campus.



ugh, so tomorrow i have a midterm and i have no idea what im supposed to know because our lectures thus far have consisted of: a) our professors confession of his love for soft core pornogrphy b) that paris hilton is the new zsa zsa gabor c) that hollywood is run by people with no taste and that christians should suck it (im not kidding, he totally said that....well not in those words, but sort of) and d) that flappers were whores. I totally know this bitch will not ask us to write 3 essays on this shit. I hate that whore. My professor bitch needs to start lecturing properly or im going to have to start some kind of revolt with the sign language bitches and get this man on the right track.



I have two weeks of midterm hell and i pray i make it out alive. Goddamnit, i just pray i make it out of the library.



ps - omg bitches, when im done with midterms i am totally going to recruit bitches to go with me to a taping of the Tyra Skanks show. her show is hot shit. it is shallow Oprah to the extreme!!!!! you know you wanna come!  ¶ 6:18 PM